Uday Chopra , Suzuki GSK-R1000K6 and Twitter

As you know, Bobby, my friend works with Twitter and takes care of the verification process at Twitter, narrated to me how Uday Chopra got his account verified.

Uday :  Hi, Is this Twitter? I am Uday. I need to get my Twitter account verified. And listen, I am in a hurry,  have to leave for a shoot.

Bobby: Sir , Kindly give me your full name and Isn't shooting illegal in India?

Uday:  Bugger, firstly,to be precise, I am the Uday Chopra and am talking about film shooting. You haven’t watched DDLJ ....

Bobby: Ya, Ya now I remember, were you SRK’s friend who wore a cap....

Uday:  Bugger, that was Karan Johar, ....any ways what about “ Mujhse Dosti Karoge”?

Bobby: Sir please , I am not that type and I have a girl friend..

Uday : I AM TALKING ABOUT  THE MOVIE , ANY WAYS DID YOU WATCH DHOOM 2 ?

Bobby: Yes Sir , there were 3 Suzuki bikes 1000 cc GSK-R1000K6 , 600 cc GSX-R600K6 and GSR600K6 and all are my favourite , Hrithik was excellent , Abhishek was Ok but there was one bugger who shouldn’t be even allowed to drive a Luna . By the way, Were you director of the movie ...?

Uday: Forget it , Did you see Pyaar Impossible ?

Bobby: Yes sir, we got some free passes  , free popcorn and a corner couple seat . So went with my girl friend . There was Priyanka Chopra in it.......

Uday:  ( interrupts and sighs with relief ) There you are , and I was Priyanka Chopra’s ....

Bobby: (Interrupting ) you should have told earlier sir . Your account is verified now . Completes the details - Uday Chopra , Brother of Priyanka Chopra .... .Hangs the phone.

PS: I am a big fan of Uday Chopra , and I promise that I’ll watch his movie whenever he does his "ACTING" debut. 

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Can we take it offline ?

Reporter of The Daily Times decides to call his friend  Harry Blotter , MBA from IIIIPPM , Associate Managing Director with Hefner and Old consultants  NA for a quick view on the Blackberry ban.

Reporter:            You think the Blackberry ban is justified ?

Harry :  Holy Crap , this Government  needs to start with  “Blue Sky thinking” , “deep dive” into the issue , do a  “SWOT” , then take a call to “Pull the plug”. When technology is not the “Core Competency” of the Government, why doesn’t it “touch-base” with other “Stake Holders”  , discuss it “Thread Bare” and then arrive at a “Win-Win” situation . By the way , Government’s approach should be “Customer Centric” and it needs to discuss the issue “End to End” while keeping the “End use perspective” in mind so that it “Manages expectations” of all. Above all , whatever be the “End result” , it ought to be “scalable” , which will require “robust” planning . But the problem is no one is looking at the “Big Picture” , everyone is concentrating at “Low hanging fruits” without “leveraging” the “synergies” and the biggest worry is who will “take ownership”.

Reporter :           Sir , I repeat the question , Is the ban on the blackberry justified ?

Harry:    Can we take it offline ?

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Twit India Movement

If this was year 1942 , and Twitter was invented , my timeline would have looked like this .

@rameshsrivats Enough of Britons in India , Angrezo Bharat Chhodo and I would call it Quit India Movement

@krishashok #QuitIndiaMovement #QIM RT @rameshsrivats Enough of Britons in India , and I would call it Quit India Movement

@jhunjhunwala I HAVE ARRIVED AND I CONDEMN ALL THE BRITONS FOR OCCUPYING OUR TERRITORY.

@rameshsrivats “I Quit Manned Motive” #ANAGRAM #QuitIndiaMovement

@spymaami 11 wants to know what is this Quit India movement , Are the schools open , Whatever.

@jhunjhunwala TELL BRITONS THAT HIS HIGHNESS IS SAYING , THEY CAN TAKE RAVINDRA JADEJA WITH THEM

@madversity US became "independent" in 1776 but had slavery for 100 years after, and civil rights came only in the 1960s. Why such hue n cry now @futurescape

@surekhapillai Why there are so many #Orkutias on Quit India Movement , I’m tempted to list and publish them @ashumittal #QIM

@sunainak #YouMamaSoFat that She’ll get stuck in the door while quitting India . #LameAttempt #YouKnow

@ashwinsanghi Top 10 movies on Quit India Movement around the world http://bit.ly/a4fRTY .

@chetan_bhagat To the girl who redefined cuteness for generations to come, happy b'day @geneliad , btw I am not against QIM

@kjohar25 Ekta and I have decided to stick to the alphabet K and would like to call it Kwit India Movement !

@jhunjhunwala It's time for the FridayBrunch! 3....2....1...OUT

PS: Though i have used genuine twitter handles , but these are my thoughts and i haven't taken any permissions.

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Calvin Klein's new range :Verified by Twitter

Verified badge by Twitter is the most sought after thing on Twitter (only winning a Nobel prize would come close).

I also heard that Twitter is planning to start a designer label in collaboration with Clavin Klein to let you flaunt your “verified” status to your offline social gatherings ( read office parties , cousin’s wedding and funerals ). Yes , this would include CK’s very popular range of innerwear also.

But verification is not easy !

Recently , I applied for the “Verified by Twitter” and this is what I went through .

Bobby from Twitter ( B) : Sir , we received your application , would you mind if we run you through a small identification process and also verify your credit card details.

Me : Why credit card ? Isn’t this verification free?

Bobby : Sir , seems you don’t have an Apple iTune account , Valid credit card is a pre-requisite and we follow the same process. By the way , I am a Steve Jobs fan.

Me : OfCourse , I have an iTune account , Go Ahead ( rubbing eyes receiving call at 3 Am ).

Bobby : Please press 1 and after the Beep press # , and keep following the instructions over voice mail . Hope your hands are clean as there were some cases of swine flu in India.

Me : O Yeah , rubbing my eyes , I start the drill .

(After spending 37 minutes, and when my blackberry screen displayed 123*10101976*3478#2306*1267#2098#1237*4466324798620001*148# , I heard a voice from the other side)

Bobby : Sir , thanks for the verification , It was little long but worth it.

Me : Screaming , “LITTLE LONG” , Its almost 1 hour and have developed a blackberry thumb because of that. You should have checked time , Its 3am in India.

Bobby : Sir , I know what time is in India , I am calling from a call centre in Kormangala , Bangalore . If you wish , I’ll disconnect and call you tomorrow , any how It’s you who applied , Twitter didn’t invite you.

Me : Ok , but the wait was really long.

Bobby : Sir , that was 37 minutes and 23 seconds not even 10% of the time you spend daily on Twitter.By the way , if you had iPhone4 , you wouldn’t be talking about this blackberry thumb.

Me : I don’t have an iPhone4 , heard that’s got “network” problem ?

Bobby : Sir , that was all hype , dropping a call or two shouldn’t matter. Everyone has forgotten the time when there was no cell phones . And you should be grateful that Steve has given free bumper case to all . Any ways , lets not digress and complete the verification.

Me : Screaming ! YOU DIGRESSED , What is this complete the verification? Isn’t it complete as yet.

Bobby : Sir , we have received your credentials and those are being googled to check your popularity. I have my doubts seeing your number of followers , any how ....

Me : Oh great , You don’t use Twitter search , I heard that’s very good?

Bobby : Sir , Twitter is over capacity . You haven’t heard of Fail Whale?

Me : OfCourse , I have experienced it many times. But why aren’t you working on it ? Don’t you understand how difficult it is when Twitter is over capacity?

Bobby :Sir , I see you are active on Twitter for last 6 months also . Don’t you have friends in real life to speak with ? Why keep blaming Twitter all the time . Any Way , Lets not digress as Its already 5 am and my shift is coming to an end.

Me : Ok , Even I have to go for my morning walk and then office. Why don’t you hurry up.

Bobby : Yes , seems you are on LinkedIn & Facebook also . How come you are all over the social networking circle , Don’t you have a full time day job ?

Me : Haven’t you heard that “Facebook is for friends who are now strangers , and Twitter is for strangers you want to befriend , and LinkedIn helps you to professionally connect ”. And yes , I have a full time job .. ....

Twitter : ( Voice Over Interrupts and says) “Whoops , Something went wrong , please try again........

And I , slam the phone and head for my morning walk with my BlackBerry.

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If Steve was CEO of Toyota

“You know.. we're not perfect”. We want to make our users happy. If you dont know that about apple Toyota , you don't know us."

"The iPhone 4 Prius is perhaps our best product".

"We started getting reports of people having issues with the antenna.brakes. It doesnt seem like a good thing if you can touch your phone press your pedal in a certain way and it loses signal brakes. It turns out, it's not unique to the iPhone 4. Prius"

"It's a challenge for the whole industry. Phones Cars aren't perfect."

"We haven't figured out a way around the laws of physics. Yet.

"We didn't think it'd be a big problem."

Its been blown out of proportion. I know it's fun to have a story, but it's less fun when you're on the other side.

So here's what we're going to do: "Why don't you just give everyone a case cover ?

"Okay, great. Every iPhone 4 Prius owners gets a free case accident insurance cover"

"If you're still not happy? Return it. Full refund. Bring back an undamaged iPhone 4 Prius within 30 days, and get a full refund"

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