Saturday, June 04, 2011

Else I'll go on fast

Seeing the recent trend that "threat to fast" or "going on fast" really works, my friend VenCut BallSubbu wrote to his CEO .
June 1, 2011
Dear Chief Executive Officer
It’s been a long time since I am working with our (y)our organization in spite of that awful office coffee which I have to drink 3-4 times a day. I spend almost 12 hours a day here, daily, work late evenings - all alone. In spite of working so hard, I feel that I haven’t got my due.

For the last 5 years I am working as Senior Manager and haven’t got promoted while many of my colleagues are AVP. My salary also is lesser than many of my batch mates who are working even in smaller companies. The company car I am provided with is Hyundai i10 while my batch mates are flaunting their Honda Citys. If I don’t hear from you (in writing) I’ll Fast unto Death in the Big Video Conference Room.

VenCut BallSubbu
Senior Manager , Quality Control.

Quick came the reply
June 3, 2011
Dear Vencut
Thanks for writing in, after getting your email, I came to know that we have a department called Quality Control - you work there, right?

I really appreciate the fact that you are working with us for 9 years while many of our Top Performers have left us in less than 2 years to work for better companies. I asked for your records from HR but am told that our employee records got destroyed in Mumbai Floods in 2005, any how who needs records of those yesteryears.

I also emailed your Boss Joe to find out about your performance but got an out of office reply “I am busy attending a quality paradigm shift offsite in Mauritius so won’t be able to answer your mail, please contact Vencut in my absence”As I couldn’t find about your performance, either from HR or from your Boss, I searched facebook and twitter to find more about you. Thank God, both these companies are not Mumbai based else they also wouldn’t have any records. 

To my surprise, I found that you bought iPad2 from the grey market after paying a hefty premium and still cribbing about your salary. I also noticed that you are connected with my secy on facebook and “liking” her comments and pics. Last week when you took a “sick” leave from office, you went to Water Kingdom with your friends – What kind of sickness is this which gets cured there.

I checked your Bio on twitter, where you say that “you are a VP with an awesome IT company”.- Gross lie it is. After viewing some of your batch mates’ facebook pages, I came to know that most of your projects during MBA were done by your batchmates while you were busy dating one of your seniors.

Still I would like to give your case a fair hearing and asking Head HR to form a committee to evaluate your records (that reminds me , please submit your marksheets and other credentials, in duplicate, as we don’t have any records ).

Regarding long working hours, I always wondered why our office AC bills were so high – I am asking Head-Facilities to see if some of those can be deducted from your salary. I absolutely agree with you that the office coffee sucks,even I bring my coffee from home, but drinking 3 cups of office coffee a day-daily for 9 years-really shows your character.

Also, as per the company policy, access to the Big Video Conference room is not allowed to officials below AVP grade so please look for some other place to go on fast.

Your CEO
PS: please ‘unfriend’ my Secy immediately.