Else I'll go on fast

Seeing the recent trend that "threat to fast" or "going on fast" really works, my friend VenCut BallSubbu wrote to his CEO .

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June 1, 2011

Dear Chief Executive Officer

It’s been a long time since I am working with our (y)our organization in spite of that awful office coffee which I have to drink 3-4 times a day. I spend almost 12 hours a day here, daily, work late evenings - all alone. In spite of working so hard, I feel that I haven’t got my due.

For the last 5 years I am working as Senior Manager and haven’t got promoted while many of my colleagues are AVP. My salary also is lesser than many of my batch mates who are working even in smaller companies. The company car I am provided with is Hyundai i10 while my batch mates are flaunting their Honda Citys. If I don’t hear from you (in writing) I’ll Fast unto Death in the Big Video Conference Room.

Regards

VenCut BallSubbu

Senior Manager , Quality Control.

Quick came the reply

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June 3, 2011

Dear Vencut

Thanks for writing in, after getting your email, I came to know that we have a department called Quality Control - you work there, right?

I really appreciate the fact that you are working with us for 9 years while many of our Top Performers have left us in less than 2 years to work for better companies. I asked for your records from HR but am told that our employee records got destroyed in Mumbai Floods in 2005, any how who needs records of those yesteryears.

I also emailed your Boss Joe to find out about your performance but got an out of office reply “I am busy attending a quality paradigm shift offsite in Mauritius so won’t be able to answer your mail, please contact Vencut in my absence”. As I couldn’t find about your performance, either from HR or from your Boss, I searched facebook and twitter to find more about you. Thank God, both these companies are not Mumbai based else they also wouldn’t have any records. 

To my surprise, I found that you bought iPad2 from the grey market after paying a hefty premium and still cribbing about your salary. I also noticed that you are connected with my secy on facebook and “liking” her comments and pics. Last week when you took a “sick” leave from office, you went to Water Kingdom with your friends – What kind of sickness is this which gets cured there.

I checked your Bio on twitter, where you say that “you are a VP with an awesome IT company”.- Gross lie it is. After viewing some of your batch mates’ facebook pages, I came to know that most of your projects during MBA were done by your batchmates while you were busy dating one of your seniors.

Still I would like to give your case a fair hearing and asking Head HR to form a committee to evaluate your records (that reminds me , please submit your marksheets and other credentials, in duplicate, as we don’t have any records ).


Regarding long working hours, I always wondered why our office AC bills were so high – I am asking Head-Facilities to see if some of those can be deducted from your salary. I absolutely agree with you that the office coffee sucks,even I bring my coffee from home, but drinking 3 cups of office coffee a day-daily for 9 years-really shows your character.

Also, as per the company policy, access to the Big Video Conference room is not allowed to officials below AVP grade so please look for some other place to go on fast.


Cheers

Your CEO

PS: please ‘unfriend’ my Secy immediately.

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Can we take it offline ?

Reporter of The Daily Times decides to call his friend  Harry Blotter , MBA from IIIIPPM , Associate Managing Director with Hefner and Old consultants  NA for a quick view on the Blackberry ban.

Reporter:            You think the Blackberry ban is justified ?

Harry :  Holy Crap , this Government  needs to start with  “Blue Sky thinking” , “deep dive” into the issue , do a  “SWOT” , then take a call to “Pull the plug”. When technology is not the “Core Competency” of the Government, why doesn’t it “touch-base” with other “Stake Holders”  , discuss it “Thread Bare” and then arrive at a “Win-Win” situation . By the way , Government’s approach should be “Customer Centric” and it needs to discuss the issue “End to End” while keeping the “End use perspective” in mind so that it “Manages expectations” of all. Above all , whatever be the “End result” , it ought to be “scalable” , which will require “robust” planning . But the problem is no one is looking at the “Big Picture” , everyone is concentrating at “Low hanging fruits” without “leveraging” the “synergies” and the biggest worry is who will “take ownership”.

Reporter :           Sir , I repeat the question , Is the ban on the blackberry justified ?

Harry:    Can we take it offline ?

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Twit India Movement

If this was year 1942 , and Twitter was invented , my timeline would have looked like this .

@rameshsrivats Enough of Britons in India , Angrezo Bharat Chhodo and I would call it Quit India Movement

@krishashok #QuitIndiaMovement #QIM RT @rameshsrivats Enough of Britons in India , and I would call it Quit India Movement

@jhunjhunwala I HAVE ARRIVED AND I CONDEMN ALL THE BRITONS FOR OCCUPYING OUR TERRITORY.

@rameshsrivats “I Quit Manned Motive” #ANAGRAM #QuitIndiaMovement

@spymaami 11 wants to know what is this Quit India movement , Are the schools open , Whatever.

@jhunjhunwala TELL BRITONS THAT HIS HIGHNESS IS SAYING , THEY CAN TAKE RAVINDRA JADEJA WITH THEM

@madversity US became "independent" in 1776 but had slavery for 100 years after, and civil rights came only in the 1960s. Why such hue n cry now @futurescape

@surekhapillai Why there are so many #Orkutias on Quit India Movement , I’m tempted to list and publish them @ashumittal #QIM

@sunainak #YouMamaSoFat that She’ll get stuck in the door while quitting India . #LameAttempt #YouKnow

@ashwinsanghi Top 10 movies on Quit India Movement around the world http://bit.ly/a4fRTY .

@chetan_bhagat To the girl who redefined cuteness for generations to come, happy b'day @geneliad , btw I am not against QIM

@kjohar25 Ekta and I have decided to stick to the alphabet K and would like to call it Kwit India Movement !

@jhunjhunwala It's time for the FridayBrunch! 3....2....1...OUT

PS: Though i have used genuine twitter handles , but these are my thoughts and i haven't taken any permissions.

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