Sunday, November 20, 2011

Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di

Yo boys I am singing song
Soup song...
Flop song ...
Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di
Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di
Rhythm correct
Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di
Maintain this
Why this di.
Cricket la You suck-u suck-u
Movies la you flop-u flop-u
Election la you lost-u lost-u
15 years you sleep-u sleep-u
Match la fix-u fix-u, you gone mad-u mad-u
Trying for big boss-u boss-u ?
Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri da
Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri da
Shahrukh-u la spent-u crores-u crores-u
Promotion la you mad-u mad-u
Taran says hit-u hit-u, Raja says flop-u flop-u
Filum flop-u or hit-u, no one knows-u knows-u
South culture good-u good-u
You eat-u curd noodle-u noodle-u
Curly hairs suck-u suck-u
South fun bad-u bad-u
Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri da
Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri da
Sunny Leone-u
White skin-u girl-u girl-u
Indian born-u girl-u girl-u
Rockstar Rockstar good-u good-u
PornStar PornStar bad-u bad-u
Indian cluture good-u good-u
Welcome to India, come-u come-u
But Indians, cum-u cum-u
Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di
Why this kolaveri kolaveri kolaveri di

Saturday, November 19, 2011

New Year Resolutions, WTF!

Like every year, in 2011 beginning too, I did the drill called Making New Year Resolutions. And, again like every year, they were same as the last year, and many earlier years.

Now with 40 days to go in 2012, dilemma is – Should I start working on the New Year 2012 resolutions, or, revisit and do a progress check on the year 2011 ones. 

December 2010, till now, few of my key plans were around:

Fitness:  Started the year with a weight of 87kg, with plans to go to 80kg ( OK, 82 ). This is the resolution, which is on my mind daily, yet it’s just on my mind and doesn’t reflect well on my rear or front. Every day, I tell myself - will start running from tomorrow for sure. My iPod and Nike shoes are in never ending wait that the dude will come and dust us.  With weight touching 89, I’m sure this resolution will go a long way.

Reading / UpSkilling: Thought of completing some in-house job-related certifications, 2 sets of courses, one needs some 14 exams to clear and I am stuck at 11. Other can’t be started till I clear all the 14 exams of the first level. Initial goal was to read at least a book a month, and all I read till now was, 2 fictions – Chanakya Chants & Revolution 2020.

Writing: Wanted to move beyond blogging and start writing a fiction, yet to begin.

NGO: Was pretty sure on this one, will start an NGO definitely in 2011 – self-funded to begin with. Did some work, had some ideas, contacted some wonderful people ( must mention here Chandni - @fundacause and Vibhuti  @dheelidhakkan ) , yet no traction here also.

With 40 days yet to go, still none of these seem to be near conclusion. With this in mind, am sure for 2012, all I need to do is : New Year Resolutions 2011 2012 .

Friday, November 04, 2011

Network, so that you need notwork.

Are you that hardworking type? The one who believes that success is 99.9% perspiration and Work is Worship? Then please leave this page immediately and go back to work. Yes, it’s because of you that your Boss gets promoted. So, go ahead and please work even more so that HE can go home early for HIS golf practice while you do the number crunching.

Only worthwhile thing ever said about hard work is ~ If hard work were really a virtue, then mules would be saints. ~ James Dee Richardson

So all you need to know is how to network, so that you need notwork.

Smoking: I know, smoking is injurious to health and that research report says that it may shorten your life by 7 years. But, won’t it be better if you die as VP- Strategy, Synergy & Looking Forward than live long as an Assistant Manager – Sales. These smoking breaks would help you interact with your Boss’s Boss and give you a chance to appreciate his new Rolex watch.

Drinking: When was the last time you heard that CEO’s favorite drink is Lassi. You need to love your Vodka and Tequilas. How else would you be able to laugh at the COO’s silly jokes during that office Project Raw.Deal success party? 

Flirting: Come on, what’s the harm even if you are married. Your wife would love you even more when you give her a solitaire on her birthday rather than that discounted Giordano watch. Be it that “not so young” head of marketing or your Boss’s secy, everyone likes to hear – Hey, looking so pretty, what did you do to your hair today”. Try, and see the results, at least this will help you in getting some dope about the Boss’s mood.

Faffing: You really think you’ll gain that promotion by being glued to your desk and bending 45 degrees towards your computer screen – that’ll only give you a backache.  Get up and roam around. Spend some time at that coffee machine you hate, at the common office printer, loo and the cafeteria. Those are the places where you get to know who’s not getting along with his boss and who got snubbed in that Vision 2012 meeting. FYI, most of the promotions are discussed in the corridor.

Spamming: Yes, no one minds those occasional jokes over phone and some interesting email forwards. These also help your bosses and seniors to kill time in those long meetings. And, you never know when that email forward reaches your CEO and gives you that 20 seconds of glory in his inbox.

If at any point of time you think that these tips are not working, try them in combinations. Say, Drinking & Flirting together - at an office party.

PS: Smoking is injurious to health, many die at Asst. Manager Level also. Yes, Smoking Kills.