Friday, November 04, 2011

Network, so that you need notwork.

Are you that hardworking type? The one who believes that success is 99.9% perspiration and Work is Worship? Then please leave this page immediately and go back to work. Yes, it’s because of you that your Boss gets promoted. So, go ahead and please work even more so that HE can go home early for HIS golf practice while you do the number crunching.

Only worthwhile thing ever said about hard work is ~ If hard work were really a virtue, then mules would be saints. ~ James Dee Richardson

So all you need to know is how to network, so that you need notwork.

Smoking: I know, smoking is injurious to health and that research report says that it may shorten your life by 7 years. But, won’t it be better if you die as VP- Strategy, Synergy & Looking Forward than live long as an Assistant Manager – Sales. These smoking breaks would help you interact with your Boss’s Boss and give you a chance to appreciate his new Rolex watch.

Drinking: When was the last time you heard that CEO’s favorite drink is Lassi. You need to love your Vodka and Tequilas. How else would you be able to laugh at the COO’s silly jokes during that office Project Raw.Deal success party? 

Flirting: Come on, what’s the harm even if you are married. Your wife would love you even more when you give her a solitaire on her birthday rather than that discounted Giordano watch. Be it that “not so young” head of marketing or your Boss’s secy, everyone likes to hear – Hey, looking so pretty, what did you do to your hair today”. Try, and see the results, at least this will help you in getting some dope about the Boss’s mood.

Faffing: You really think you’ll gain that promotion by being glued to your desk and bending 45 degrees towards your computer screen – that’ll only give you a backache.  Get up and roam around. Spend some time at that coffee machine you hate, at the common office printer, loo and the cafeteria. Those are the places where you get to know who’s not getting along with his boss and who got snubbed in that Vision 2012 meeting. FYI, most of the promotions are discussed in the corridor.

Spamming: Yes, no one minds those occasional jokes over phone and some interesting email forwards. These also help your bosses and seniors to kill time in those long meetings. And, you never know when that email forward reaches your CEO and gives you that 20 seconds of glory in his inbox.

If at any point of time you think that these tips are not working, try them in combinations. Say, Drinking & Flirting together - at an office party.

PS: Smoking is injurious to health, many die at Asst. Manager Level also. Yes, Smoking Kills.