Friday, July 29, 2011

Having fun with LinkedIn!

LinkedIn and Facebook are most popular social networking sites when it comes to connecting with your Current and your Ex – girlfriends or colleagues. I know some people do get mixed up but it’s preferred to connect with girlfriends / boyfriends on facebook and leave LinkedIn for colleagues or other professional contacts. ( In case you have a relationship in office, God Bless you)
Like all of you, even I used to think that LinkedIn is for serious kinds till I figured out some interesting ways to have fun ( and get noticed ). 

Recently, I noticed that there was a typo in my designation on LinkedIn and corrected that. Next day, my LinkedIn mailbox was flooded with these:

Hello Vikas, 

I saw you added XXXXXXXX to your profile, and wanted to drop you a note of congratulations!

Thanks to LinkedIn notifications, my contacts would have got a message that –

Vikas Goel has an updated current title or Vikas Goel is now XXXXX . Send Note

And knowing people, they would have clicked on “send note” to congratulate me. So, even if your job/designation doesn’t change – keep editing your profile and baffle your contacts.

Other fun feature is - Who’s viewed your profile? tab on the right side. 
Yes, now it's possible to find out who's stalking you. Click and you may be surprised to see that pretty marketing lady in office you met in the elevator, was checking out your profile.So once you know, who was checking you out, see if it works to your advantage. 

Have fun !
( If you know more of such ways to have fun on linkedin, drop me a note, will be glad to share here.)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara , or ZNMD as it’s popularly called is not an ordinary movie – it’s almost Deepak Chopra, Robin Sharma with a dash of Katrina or as Jaaved Jaafri would call it –it’s different.

I went for this movie, not that I like topless Farhan Akhtar but because I got free tickets. As widely publicised , this movie is about seizing the moment, live life, over come your fears et al . But, there were also some subtle, some untold messages to be taken home.

Here you go.
  • Never ever show your girlfriend the gift you got for your Mom or sister.
  • Never flirt with your best friend’s girlfriend; he’ll not forgive you till he gets his next– Friendship na Rahegi Dobara.
  • Your friend may still accept if you flirt with his girlfriend but never ever mess with his cell phone.
  • Close your room’s door before you video chat with your fiancée, rather never video chat with your fiancée.
  • It’s still fine if you don’t know swimming but learn dancing and driving.
  • Always be kiss-ready and ready-to-kiss.
  • If hit hard, even tomatoes hurt.
  • Love & Sex are beyond any boundaries especially linguistic boundaries.
  • If two of the three friends date one girl, and third one somehow couldn’t – he’ll one day call her a bitch.
  • And last but not the least – Holidays are a must - Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara ! 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Think before you Twit or Pee !

  • Leave the Toilet  Twitter way you want to find it.
  • If you sprinkle while you tinkle, please wipe off the Toilet  Twitter.
  • Don’t leave Toilet  Twitter for someone else to clean up after you.
  • Don’t litter the Toilet  Twitter.
  • Don’t graffiti the Toilet  Twitter; it devalues your name and talent.
  • Please do not flush hygiene products down the Toilet  Twitter.
  • You may need to wash your hand after you visit the Toilet  Twitter.
  • Toilet  Twitter training should only be for toddlers, unless you’re starting yours this late.
  • This is Toilet  Twitter not your dustbin that you’ll spit chewing gum in it.
  • Do not start shitting before you are completely settled in the Toilet  Twitter.
  • Toilet  Twitter is not a place to discuss business.
  • Treat this Toilet  Twitter as your own.
              Follow them to avoid a stinking Toilet  Twitter.
PS: Image via internet, source unknown.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Dope on Doping in Office

We all heard about the recent doping scandal and you must be wondering why the hell these guys do it, right? You hypocrite! Let’s start with what’s doping ?

Doping – Use of Prohibitive drugs or methods to enhance performance. The use of performance enhancing drugs is mostly done to improve athletic performance. It is considered unethical and banned by most international sports organizations because it gives competitors an unfair advantage over others.
Well, now that you know the meaning of doping, let’s admit that we all do it. Wait, Wait – You haven’t done it ever – let’s re focus on the definition “ Use of prohibitive methods to enhance performance to gain competitive advantage”.

Now that half-yearly appraisals are near, let’s be reminded of a typical appraisal rating scale in most of the organisations.
  • Outstanding
  • Exceeds Expectations
  • Meets Expectations
  • Below Expectations
I know that most of you don’t even know what’s expected of you at your job, still, you’ll strive to be at least in that “Exceeds Expectations” category. Knowing the bell-curve , this means being in the top 20-25% of your colleagues who are also competing for the same.

And here’s the dope on how some of you have been gaining “unfair competitive advantage” by using “prohibitive methods” .
  • Without sacrificing personal life by working late, still, sending that occasional late evening email to boss when you are idling in office because your wife is coming to pick you up.
  • Bringing that special aromatic oil from Kerala or that Mava Kachauri from Jodhpur because his Missus likes it.
  • Complimenting his shirt as if it’s made of the finest cotton in-spite of knowing that it’s Peter England.
  • Remembering your Boss’s anniversary and reminding him of his boss’s anniversary.
  • Asking, “How is Aarav’s cricket coaching going on ?” While you struggle remembering names of your nephews and nieces.
  • Showing up in office while on leave or replying emails to prove your involvement.
  • Saying, “Good that you noticed that error. Your eye for detail is unmatched”, even if he just corrected an obvious typo.
  • Sharing his hobbies, and talking about them, and occasionally getting beaten up in his sport – even if he sucks at it.
  • Feeding him with the office gossip, even if it involves making up stories about his rivals in office.
  • "Is doping really possible" Asking such stupid questions and making him sound intelligent in front of others.
  •  "Boss, Ma'am really got a great taste in house decor" , praising his Missus occasionally.
So, now you agree that we all use these unfair methods for our competitive advantage, so keep doping. Happy Appraisals.