Saturday, July 24, 2010

Calvin Klein's new range :Verified by Twitter

Verified badge by Twitter is the most sought after thing on Twitter (only winning a Nobel prize would come close).

I also heard that Twitter is planning to start a designer label in collaboration with Clavin Klein to let you flaunt your “verified” status to your offline social gatherings ( read office parties , cousin’s wedding and funerals ). Yes , this would include CK’s very popular range of innerwear also.

But verification is not easy !

Recently , I applied for the “Verified by Twitter” and this is what I went through .

Bobby from Twitter ( B) : Sir , we received your application , would you mind if we run you through a small identification process and also verify your credit card details.

Me : Why credit card ? Isn’t this verification free?

Bobby : Sir , seems you don’t have an Apple iTune account , Valid credit card is a pre-requisite and we follow the same process. By the way , I am a Steve Jobs fan.

Me : OfCourse , I have an iTune account , Go Ahead ( rubbing eyes receiving call at 3 Am ).

Bobby : Please press 1 and after the Beep press # , and keep following the instructions over voice mail . Hope your hands are clean as there were some cases of swine flu in India.

Me : O Yeah , rubbing my eyes , I start the drill .

(After spending 37 minutes, and when my blackberry screen displayed 123*10101976*3478#2306*1267#2098#1237*4466324798620001*148# , I heard a voice from the other side)

Bobby : Sir , thanks for the verification , It was little long but worth it.

Me : Screaming , “LITTLE LONG” , Its almost 1 hour and have developed a blackberry thumb because of that. You should have checked time , Its 3am in India.

Bobby : Sir , I know what time is in India , I am calling from a call centre in Kormangala , Bangalore . If you wish , I’ll disconnect and call you tomorrow , any how It’s you who applied , Twitter didn’t invite you.

Me : Ok , but the wait was really long.

Bobby : Sir , that was 37 minutes and 23 seconds not even 10% of the time you spend daily on Twitter.By the way , if you had iPhone4 , you wouldn’t be talking about this blackberry thumb.

Me : I don’t have an iPhone4 , heard that’s got “network” problem ?

Bobby : Sir , that was all hype , dropping a call or two shouldn’t matter. Everyone has forgotten the time when there was no cell phones . And you should be grateful that Steve has given free bumper case to all . Any ways , lets not digress and complete the verification.

Me : Screaming ! YOU DIGRESSED , What is this complete the verification? Isn’t it complete as yet.

Bobby : Sir , we have received your credentials and those are being googled to check your popularity. I have my doubts seeing your number of followers , any how ....

Me : Oh great , You don’t use Twitter search , I heard that’s very good?

Bobby : Sir , Twitter is over capacity . You haven’t heard of Fail Whale?

Me : OfCourse , I have experienced it many times. But why aren’t you working on it ? Don’t you understand how difficult it is when Twitter is over capacity?

Bobby :Sir , I see you are active on Twitter for last 6 months also . Don’t you have friends in real life to speak with ? Why keep blaming Twitter all the time . Any Way , Lets not digress as Its already 5 am and my shift is coming to an end.

Me : Ok , Even I have to go for my morning walk and then office. Why don’t you hurry up.

Bobby : Yes , seems you are on LinkedIn & Facebook also . How come you are all over the social networking circle , Don’t you have a full time day job ?

Me : Haven’t you heard that “Facebook is for friends who are now strangers , and Twitter is for strangers you want to befriend , and LinkedIn helps you to professionally connect ”. And yes , I have a full time job .. ....

Twitter : ( Voice Over Interrupts and says) “Whoops , Something went wrong , please try again........

And I , slam the phone and head for my morning walk with my BlackBerry.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

If Steve was CEO of Toyota

“You know.. we're not perfect”. We want to make our users happy. If you dont know that about apple Toyota , you don't know us."

"The iPhone 4 Prius is perhaps our best product".

"We started getting reports of people having issues with the antenna.brakes. It doesnt seem like a good thing if you can touch your phone press your pedal in a certain way and it loses signal brakes. It turns out, it's not unique to the iPhone 4. Prius"

"It's a challenge for the whole industry. Phones Cars aren't perfect."

"We haven't figured out a way around the laws of physics. Yet.

"We didn't think it'd be a big problem."

Its been blown out of proportion. I know it's fun to have a story, but it's less fun when you're on the other side.

So here's what we're going to do: "Why don't you just give everyone a case cover ?

"Okay, great. Every iPhone 4 Prius owners gets a free case accident insurance cover"

"If you're still not happy? Return it. Full refund. Bring back an undamaged iPhone 4 Prius within 30 days, and get a full refund"

Sunday, July 11, 2010

UnFollow Saturday

Well if you can have Follow Friday , why can’t I have UnFollow Saturday . Time is precious , so is my TimeLine . I understand that its rude to “UnFollow” any one esp , being an Indian where they say “Atithi Devo Bhava ~ Guest is God” .

Still , other than time , its also about space and with a 2” by 2” blackberry screen , I can’t afford to have too many Creets ( Crap Tweets) on my TimeLine. Just imagine , I am in a very important office meeting , get a comfort break for couple of minutes , decide to use it for having a look at my Twitter Timeline and all I get is “ tweets with links without even mentioning what they contain”. I scroll down to see , and the other ones are quotes . It affects my productivity as well for the balance part of my meeting.

So on weekends I do this drill called “UnFollow Saturday” , here are my standards what makes some qualify for this prestigious drill .

RT Jockeys : All they do is RT , RT this , that ever thing else . If you don’t have anything original to say , you don’t have a place in my timeline .Just follow people and enjoy .

Quote Maniacs: By now I remember all what Winston Churchill , Mahatma Gandhi , Lucy , Nancy and Tina have said , remember if I Google I’ll get all the damn quotes , subject wise , done neatly . Why should I follow you for someone else’s quotes.

Serial Twiller: I repeat , my time n the space on my blackberry screen is precious , so I don’t want to see you , you n only you when I scroll down . Have a break, try Kit Kat.

Chat on Twitter: I know you both get along very well , you want to know what did She have for Dinner , Whether the Red dress you bought together is fitting well or not – But do that on G Talk , Yahoo , BB Messenger etc . Why the hell I and other 117 people should know your conversation.

Threesome: I have to unfollow 2 of you if you just keep on ReTweeing each other , don’t you think it’s better to follow 1 of you and get goodness of 3.

If after reading this , you are inspired to UnFollow me or any one else , just let me know the reason so that I can add in the blog. Thanks

Disclaimer: List is not exhaustive and i may unfollow you for reasons other than this also.