Sunday, January 02, 2011

If Bollywood was on LinkedIn ?

First thing, it would no more be called LinkedIn , it would be LinkedUp – and you know why !

Now let’s explore some popular features of LinkedIn.

Profile :
That’s the first step for any LinkedIn user, and knowing Bollywood they would hire script writers for it. Chetan Bhagat would be the busiest person on earth and the first one to approach him would be one film wonder Sonakshi Sinha and no film no wonder Shazahn Padamsee.

Shazahn Padamsee : Current – Doing nothing , Past – Did nothing except a blink and you miss kinda role in Rocket Singh.

Shazahn Padamsee through Chetan Bhagat’s pen.
"Shazahn Padamsee, a theatre artist , a successful model turned actress is the daughter of renowned ad guru / theatre personality Alyque Padamsee and prominent pop singer Sharon Prabhakar.  She made her feature film debut in 2009 in the Hindi film Rocket Singh: Salesman of the Year opposite Ranbir Kapoor, which opened to critically acclaimed reviews ( by both Alyque and Sharon), and now she is working with critically acclaimed , national award winner , eminent director – Madhur Bhandarkar."

Add Connections :
Now as you know , typical LinkedIn user connects with people he/ she has worked with or studied with. But, Bollywood and studies hardly go together except Tusshar Kapoor who has graduated with a BBA from the Ross School of Business ( Now you know why Bollywood doesn’t pursue education).

So LinkedIn would come up with a new tab , “People you have partied with”, and Kishen Mulchandani would be the most connected man. Bombay Times and HT Cafe would sponsor this section , and would provide data and photographic proofs. So, the people you partied yesterday night , would automatically appear today in “People you may know”.

By the way, unlike tattoos , connections are not permanenet . So Deepika can always block Ranbir and reconnect with Sid.

Who’s viewed your profile:
This feature tells that “Your profile has been viewed by 14 people in last 15 days” and it further tells that who all viewed your profile. Now this would be most used feature , as it would tell that Deepika and Sonam have viewed each other’s profile 19 times and Shakti Kapoor has viewed both of their profiles 190 times. Surprisingly , Katrina has never viewed Salman’s profile.

Well , this has got nothing to do with casting couch , and I repeat there’s no casting couch in this industry. So Aditya Panchssholi would self-lessly recommend Kangna but Kangna would never display that recommendation on her profile. Karan Johar would recommend every damn person except Ram Gopal Verma . Uday Chopra and Harman Baweja would love to recommend people , but LinkedIn won’t allow them to recommend.

Morani Brothers and Wizcraft would start “Paid Recommendations” where for a measly sum of INR 2 crores , you can get recommendations from Shahrukh Khan , Salman Khan or Akshay Kumar.

Aamir Khan won’t recommend any one except Kiran Rao or Imrran Khan .

Some day , I’ll also talk about premium features of LinkedIn.