Science of decision making - Movie Review Edition

Vencut Sobbo, BTech, MBA, Senior Vice President–Strategy, was busy making a presentation on “Strategic Initiatives for Sustainable Growth by Leveraging Synergies”, when he got a call from his wife that she would like to go for a movie.

Hard pressed for time, he called up his Secy and asked about hindi movies currently playing.  Cecillia replied, “Dil to Baccha hai Ji, Yamla Pagla Deewana, Dhobhi Ghat, No One Killed Jessica & Tees Maar Khan ”.

His AVP, Suniel GoSwami, MBA from IIIICM, overheard this and decided to do a quick research on the reviews and ratings,  and knowing that Mrs. Sobbo was an Aamir Khan fan , he "zeroed in" on Dhobhi Ghat.

Suniel, like most of you , relied on the medieval “Star Rating” system to choose which movie to watch but decided to “Walk an extra mile” to impress his boss .

He pulled out 21 reviews of Dhobhi Ghat , meticulously put them in a PowerPoint.

These were the results :

« One Star – (1) Komal Nahta

«« Two Star – (3) Minty Tezpal ( Mumbai Mirror) , Gaurav Malani ( Economic Times) & Blessy Chettiar ( DNA)

««^1/2 Two and a Half star – (4) Khalid Mohammed & Kaveree Bamzai( India Today) etc

««« Three Star – (5) Anupama Chopra ( NDTV) , Rajeev Masand ( IBN) , Sonil Dedhia ( Rediff) etc

«««^1/2 Three and Half Star- ( 5) Nikhat Kazmi ( Times) , Sonia Chopra ( Sify) , Sarita Tawar ( Mid-Day) etc

«««« Four Star – (3) Taran Adarsh , Santa Banta and Now Running.

Little confused but knowing his Boss’s fetish for numbers and stats , he didn’t settle for this raw data and “drilled down” further . So all 21 results were “populated” in “Microsoft Access” and he “Run a query” to find a little more scientific and statistically correct rating , results were :

Average	2.928571
Mode	3
Median	3
Geometric Mean	2.805119
Harmonic Mean	2.643093

As any statistical result would have , he also added a disclaimer : "It's assumed that all 21 reviewers are equally talented ( hence no need of weighted mean), and none of them has been influenced by any kith, kin cast or crew of any of these movies. Also, it's assumed that they have rated these movies after watching at least 10 minutes each of both halves"

Satisfied that he had done enough, he called his boss to tell the results. Vencut , entered the cabin humming “Sheila ki Jawani”, looked at the PowerPoint titled “Informed Decision Making” .  Inspite of being a “Man of numbers”, he was not looking visibly impressed with this 6 slide power point presentation with graphs and pie charts. He called Cecilia to check who’s the heroine in Dhobhi Ghat , Cecilia said “Some new unglamorous chic, I don’t know the name, sir”.

Vencut immediately called his wife “Honey , tried tickets of Dhobhi Ghat , but couldn’t get , so got you Tees Maar Khan – It’s an Akshay Starrer, and a comedy which you’ll like”. 

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If Bollywood was on LinkedIn ?

First thing, it would no more be called LinkedIn , it would be LinkedUp – and you know why !

Now let’s explore some popular features of LinkedIn.

Profile :

That’s the first step for any LinkedIn user, and knowing Bollywood they would hire script writers for it. Chetan Bhagat would be the busiest person on earth and the first one to approach him would be one film wonder Sonakshi Sinha and no film no wonder Shazahn Padamsee.

Shazahn Padamsee : Current – Doing nothing , Past – Did nothing except a blink and you miss kinda role in Rocket Singh.

Shazahn Padamsee through Chetan Bhagat’s pen.

"Shazahn Padamsee, a theatre artist , a successful model turned actress is the daughter of renowned ad guru / theatre personality Alyque Padamsee and prominent pop singer Sharon Prabhakar.  She made her feature film debut in 2009 in the Hindi film Rocket Singh: Salesman of the Year opposite Ranbir Kapoor, which opened to critically acclaimed reviews ( by both Alyque and Sharon), and now she is working with critically acclaimed , national award winner , eminent director – Madhur Bhandarkar."

Add Connections :

Now as you know , typical LinkedIn user connects with people he/ she has worked with or studied with. But, Bollywood and studies hardly go together except Tusshar Kapoor who has graduated with a BBA from the Ross School of Business ( Now you know why Bollywood doesn’t pursue education).

So LinkedIn would come up with a new tab , “People you have partied with”, and Kishen Mulchandani would be the most connected man. Bombay Times and HT Cafe would sponsor this section , and would provide data and photographic proofs. So, the people you partied yesterday night , would automatically appear today in “People you may know”.

By the way, unlike tattoos , connections are not permanenet . So Deepika can always block Ranbir and reconnect with Sid.

Who’s viewed your profile:

This feature tells that “Your profile has been viewed by 14 people in last 15 days” and it further tells that who all viewed your profile. Now this would be most used feature , as it would tell that Deepika and Sonam have viewed each other’s profile 19 times and Shakti Kapoor has viewed both of their profiles 190 times. Surprisingly , Katrina has never viewed Salman’s profile.

Recommendations:

Well , this has got nothing to do with casting couch , and I repeat there’s no casting couch in this industry. So Aditya Panchssholi would self-lessly recommend Kangna but Kangna would never display that recommendation on her profile. Karan Johar would recommend every damn person except Ram Gopal Verma . Uday Chopra and Harman Baweja would love to recommend people , but LinkedIn won’t allow them to recommend.

Morani Brothers and Wizcraft would start “Paid Recommendations” where for a measly sum of INR 2 crores , you can get recommendations from Shahrukh Khan , Salman Khan or Akshay Kumar.

Aamir Khan won’t recommend any one except Kiran Rao or Imrran Khan .

Some day , I’ll also talk about premium features of LinkedIn. 

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Quit India Movement - Bollywood Edition

The year is 1942 , Mahatma Gandhi just called our Bollywood Celebs to join the Quit India movement , and this is what they have to say.

@udaychopra - It’s not always nice to use the word Quit , lets go on the other side and say “Come” – Daya Prochu

@DuttaLara – Dear @maheshbhupathi , these guys are calling for some Quit India , let’s quit india and go to france.

@iamsrk – terribly busy with ra-two , now playing Quit India on PS3 , farhan and me will beat the shit out of them.

 @SrBachchan – T1942 Pahle us aadmi ko lekar aao jisne akshay ko jackass bola tha. Baapu,  phir tum jahan bologe , mein aoonga.

@priyankachopra – Long day , farhan and srk are playing quit india , I am the cheer leader, I love bhagat singh xoxo.

@shahidkapoor – what’s this quilt india ? I like Jaipuri Quilt. Now off on my Harley for a ride .Broadband is erotic , shabbakhair.

@realpreityzinta – Good morning folks ! I’ll not join any movement against Brits as University of London is giving me a honorary doctorate.

@Riteishd – Rajnikant’s new movie is called Quitter , he’ll make India quit from this planet.

@RGVzoomin – Quit India movie is so violent that even Rakht Charitra would like a family function in Karan Johar’s movies

@kjohar25 – Off to London for a Quit India theme fashion show with Gauri and Susanne.

@iHrithik – Amgrezo , meri  GUZAARISH  hai ki Bharat Chhodo , btw Sanjay Leela rocks.

@Ayeshatakia - :) :)

@GulPanag – I am on my way to chandigarh, in Shatabdi.  btw recording this whole Quit India movement on my #tataskyplus.

Also starring

@chetan_bhagat - Please Quit India and join CB Land , my INDEPENDENT nation , comprising of all girls hostels. TROLLS , PLEASE EXCUSE.  #househusband

Disclaimer : The stars in this blog may be real but they have been playing fictitious characters all their real or reel life and always claim that  any resemblance to persons living , dead  or in between is purely coincidental , so be it. 

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Uday Chopra , Suzuki GSK-R1000K6 and Twitter

As you know, Bobby, my friend works with Twitter and takes care of the verification process at Twitter, narrated to me how Uday Chopra got his account verified.

Uday :  Hi, Is this Twitter? I am Uday. I need to get my Twitter account verified. And listen, I am in a hurry,  have to leave for a shoot.

Bobby: Sir , Kindly give me your full name and Isn't shooting illegal in India?

Uday:  Bugger, firstly,to be precise, I am the Uday Chopra and am talking about film shooting. You haven’t watched DDLJ ....

Bobby: Ya, Ya now I remember, were you SRK’s friend who wore a cap....

Uday:  Bugger, that was Karan Johar, ....any ways what about “ Mujhse Dosti Karoge”?

Bobby: Sir please , I am not that type and I have a girl friend..

Uday : I AM TALKING ABOUT  THE MOVIE , ANY WAYS DID YOU WATCH DHOOM 2 ?

Bobby: Yes Sir , there were 3 Suzuki bikes 1000 cc GSK-R1000K6 , 600 cc GSX-R600K6 and GSR600K6 and all are my favourite , Hrithik was excellent , Abhishek was Ok but there was one bugger who shouldn’t be even allowed to drive a Luna . By the way, Were you director of the movie ...?

Uday: Forget it , Did you see Pyaar Impossible ?

Bobby: Yes sir, we got some free passes  , free popcorn and a corner couple seat . So went with my girl friend . There was Priyanka Chopra in it.......

Uday:  ( interrupts and sighs with relief ) There you are , and I was Priyanka Chopra’s ....

Bobby: (Interrupting ) you should have told earlier sir . Your account is verified now . Completes the details - Uday Chopra , Brother of Priyanka Chopra .... .Hangs the phone.

PS: I am a big fan of Uday Chopra , and I promise that I’ll watch his movie whenever he does his "ACTING" debut. 

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