Fortune at the bottom of this pyramid !

Sounds familiar, right ? Gone are the days when people used to tell their salaries as 16400 – 750- 19000 , and what they actually use to get was much more. These days, you may flaunt your CTC (Cost to the company) as your salary but what you get is much less and well known to your wife and the neighbourhood friendly bank which has given you a Home Loan and a Credit Card.

I was trying to guage what Venkat Balsubbu thinks about this whole CTC issue. “What the hell, what’s this CTC issue and what’s your pyramid thing , it’s all trash. I don’t believe this, my beloved employer provides me much more than this, I actually believe there is fortune at the bottom of this CTC Pyramid” says Balsubbu

Seeing a bewildered me, he paused to explain. Your salary is not just what gets credited in your account, there are numerous perks which people don’t tell.

A few of them include:

·         Those free sips of tea and coffee, ( Many of us depend on office for our entire caffeine requirement, don’t we?).

·         Devouring those free lunches, (one can’t resist free lunches even when on a strictest of diets!)

·         A few ( rather i must say many ) personal calls ,here and there, that we sneak in from the office phone (now, don’t tell me you are not one of those!).

·         Colour printouts you take every week for your kids’ homework . Some of us even print our CVs for Job Applications in office.

·         All the personal surfing and emails to our friends.

·         Amount of free GPRS bandwidth you consume on Facebook , Twitter and Orkut on your BlackBerry.

·         Some take PostIt , StaplerPins and even writing pads home.

·         How can we forget numerous official visits to distant towns , planned so that you can attend your relative’s marriage and bring your wife and kids back from their summer vacation.

Last and not the least , most of us get paid believing we’ll work for 7-8 hrs a day .

Keep your hand on the heart and tell me , how many days a year you actually work 7 hrs a day !

Saying this Venkat walked away to collect color printout of Hannah Montana for his daughter. 

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New Nationalised Twitter

NewTwitter would be launched first in Tembhli - Maharashtra on pilot basis.

Now , The New Birdie

• 40 out of 140 characters would be for the reserved category.
• VIPs would be able to tweet up to 160 characters.
• Twitter would be available from 9-5 , Monday to Friday.
• Twitter Dry Day on Gandhi Jayanti , Republic and Independence Day.
• People with > 350 followers would have to pay wealth tax.
• User names have to be Unique IDs or Pan Numbers.
• All Mumbaites would have to end every tweet with #JaiMaharashtra
• Handles would be renewed every 5 years after mandatory police verification.

Now , The Nationalised FailWhale

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Oh Yeah , We’re the CrackVerry Boys

We wear  fake attitude

We deserve no gratitude

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

We’re Medicore , But we’re Arrogant

We’re very very Arrogant

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

We do PowerPoints

and we do mail

We do meetings

We do all in vain.

Oooo, ooo, ooo, hoooo

Cos We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Na na na

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

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Why Kashmir doesn't get solved on my timeline ?

click on the image to view .

To view on TwitPic , click here http://twitpic.com/2u2pvh

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Playing Buzkashi in office.

Buzkashi

I met my friend ,Vencut Balsubbu, Vice President, Synergistic Initiatives, Hefner & Hustler, after a  long time . While chatting, I asked him that how he, an adventure sports loving person,  passes his time in office. “I play email-email” He added “You should know that “email email” is the most popular, adventurous yet dangerous game ever invented after Buzkashi .

He didn’t wait to give me some of his favorites:

When free and have nothing to do, just pick up an email with some attachment, say something like "Seems fine but doesn't gel with the overall strategy , suggest meeting to discuss in detail . Asok, see if you can make a lucid one pager for all" and do reply all. Don’t forget to add some random recipients. It will just take 2 minutes but will set people back by 2 days. Of course , poor Asok will end up working weekend and many will  die figuring out why the email is copied to them.

Whenever you get a forward which is bulky and complex , containing some industry research, all you need to do is to forward to your boss. Add a message like this “don’t agree with all of it but the stats on page 19 are really eye opening” , of course you need not read anything except page 19. If you manage a team , the same document can be sent to them with a message “Let’s discuss sometime next week” , and some of them will take the print home to prepare for the next week.

Whenever you come across any newspaper article on your industry covering a subject like IT or HR which is not your domain, just find the link through google and send it to your peer in IT saying “Came across this piece , speaks about breakthrough in production, in beta though , may be of interest to you” . Of course the message looks benign but the moment you copy it to Head of IT , turns lethal.

Google Alerts, best thing ever happened to an office goer. Everyone creates alerts about your organisation, competitors, but to standout you try this "Strategy+Synergy+(insert name of sector you work)" . Now the moment you get some result, just download the column and forward it to Head-Strategy and Head-HR with a copy to Executive Assistant of the CEO, just say "Must Read". And, yes no need to read it yourself.

And finally when in doubt, just forward the email saying “fyi , please”.

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