I accept responsibility

“I accept responsibility”. I know that you know who said this, but before you jump your guns, take a pause, and think about it. This is not that three word sentence that every teenager keeps on muttering to other teenager of  opposite sex (some times same sex also). It’s deep.

Saying this is not easy, just try remembering when did you last say this. On that BMI scale, I am overweight by 10kg, still, I blame my wife, mother, office and Ray Krok for this.

Last time I heard something similar from a person holding public office( need not google, this is my own definition of public office) was Steve Jobs. He didn't say this exactly, but he was close, and the kind of person he is, saying this was more than enough- “We're not Perfect”.

Now let's not compare the two epic personalities because they are altogether different -

One of them wears a blue turban and other blue denims. One of them did complete his studies to get a doctorate while other dropped out from the college

One is a leader who is widely respected by other leaders and even Newsweek Magazine said "the leader other leaders love" while other is hated, possibly by all so called leaders sitting in their corner offices. 

One of them takes his own decisions and hardly listens, yes only one of them.

One is ever willing to resign and retire while other came back even after getting sacked , and wants to be at the helm always.

Only similarity I see is that succession for both is an issue.

So all I want to say is when these two can accept responsibility, why can't we?

Be it our work-life or personal life, our relationships, our commitment to our society, family and friends, let's be courageous enough to say -  "I accept responsibility".

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Why people resign?

Usually I put a disclaimer at the end, but this being a sensitive issue, let me begin with it.

This is purely a work of friction, any resemblance to you, your boss, colleague or workplace is purely co-incidental. Also, it has got nothing to do with Hosni Mobarak’s resignation as you’ll find even worse dictators at your work place.

Let’s begin with - Why do you work ?

I know, it’s all about serving the society, giving back the nation what you got from it, to contribute to the government exchequer through taxes, to achieve that highest thing called “self actualisation” in Maslow’s need hierarchy.

Enough, cut the crap, It’s all about money, honey. How else you'll buy that $700 iPhone4 to make a phone call, with known network issues.

Now that we have narrowed down to the reason why you work, let’s see why people resign from one organisation to join another organisation.

I interviewed 321 Vice Presidents (names withheld to avoid making them popular)  in the First Class compartment of Mumbai Local, Virar to Churchgate , result was : “People leave managers not companies” .

I know some of you agree to it , but this is like saying “I read playboy for its articles”. 

So you tell me that your Boss sucks, steals credit for your job, does favouritism, doesn’t know as much as you do, get paid for just sucking-up, But, It’s like saying most politicians are corrupt or Uday Chopra is a bad actor.

When did you last meet a person who said “I love my Boss” or if at all you find a place where people love their Bosses, why the hell they’ll pay you to work there.

I know your boss may be a jerk, but how can you resign and join other unknown jerk - Don’t you know that “Known Devil is better than unknown God”

So, if you choose to resign, don’t give that crap that it’s because of your difficult Boss - It’s all because you find some other “free coffee place with double ff aka office", which is paying you more .

In the end, It’s all about money, honey.

By vikaspgoel | View this Toon at ToonDoo | Create your own Toon

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Science of decision making - Movie Review Edition

Vencut Sobbo, BTech, MBA, Senior Vice President–Strategy, was busy making a presentation on “Strategic Initiatives for Sustainable Growth by Leveraging Synergies”, when he got a call from his wife that she would like to go for a movie.

Hard pressed for time, he called up his Secy and asked about hindi movies currently playing.  Cecillia replied, “Dil to Baccha hai Ji, Yamla Pagla Deewana, Dhobhi Ghat, No One Killed Jessica & Tees Maar Khan ”.

His AVP, Suniel GoSwami, MBA from IIIICM, overheard this and decided to do a quick research on the reviews and ratings,  and knowing that Mrs. Sobbo was an Aamir Khan fan , he "zeroed in" on Dhobhi Ghat.

Suniel, like most of you , relied on the medieval “Star Rating” system to choose which movie to watch but decided to “Walk an extra mile” to impress his boss .

He pulled out 21 reviews of Dhobhi Ghat , meticulously put them in a PowerPoint.

These were the results :

« One Star – (1) Komal Nahta

«« Two Star – (3) Minty Tezpal ( Mumbai Mirror) , Gaurav Malani ( Economic Times) & Blessy Chettiar ( DNA)

««^1/2 Two and a Half star – (4) Khalid Mohammed & Kaveree Bamzai( India Today) etc

««« Three Star – (5) Anupama Chopra ( NDTV) , Rajeev Masand ( IBN) , Sonil Dedhia ( Rediff) etc

«««^1/2 Three and Half Star- ( 5) Nikhat Kazmi ( Times) , Sonia Chopra ( Sify) , Sarita Tawar ( Mid-Day) etc

«««« Four Star – (3) Taran Adarsh , Santa Banta and Now Running.

Little confused but knowing his Boss’s fetish for numbers and stats , he didn’t settle for this raw data and “drilled down” further . So all 21 results were “populated” in “Microsoft Access” and he “Run a query” to find a little more scientific and statistically correct rating , results were :

Average	2.928571
Mode	3
Median	3
Geometric Mean	2.805119
Harmonic Mean	2.643093

As any statistical result would have , he also added a disclaimer : "It's assumed that all 21 reviewers are equally talented ( hence no need of weighted mean), and none of them has been influenced by any kith, kin cast or crew of any of these movies. Also, it's assumed that they have rated these movies after watching at least 10 minutes each of both halves"

Satisfied that he had done enough, he called his boss to tell the results. Vencut , entered the cabin humming “Sheila ki Jawani”, looked at the PowerPoint titled “Informed Decision Making” .  Inspite of being a “Man of numbers”, he was not looking visibly impressed with this 6 slide power point presentation with graphs and pie charts. He called Cecilia to check who’s the heroine in Dhobhi Ghat , Cecilia said “Some new unglamorous chic, I don’t know the name, sir”.

Vencut immediately called his wife “Honey , tried tickets of Dhobhi Ghat , but couldn’t get , so got you Tees Maar Khan – It’s an Akshay Starrer, and a comedy which you’ll like”. 

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Spirit of Mumbai !

This Sunday, it would be my 5th year at the Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon - 2011 . And,  like last four years , this year too I along with my colleagues would be led by some amazingly spirited kids from The Victoria Memorial School for the Blind , Mumbai . We all would be participating in the Dream Run. 

Yes, these kids would walk / run the whole six kilometers with us. 

These are some of the pics I clicked , while running / walking with them in 2010. 

These pics are clicked by me , feel free to copy paste. Btw , if you feel like making some donations to the Victoria Memorial School for the Blind , Mumbai , contact them http://www.vmsb.org/ or let me know. 

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LinkedIn – The Blunder years !

As of 1 January 2011, LinkedIn had more than 90 million registered users, spanning more than 200 countries. You can be proud that You , Your neighbor , and the society watchman, all are one in 90 million.

 

Let’s get started .

 

Profile

It’s first and the easiest step , all you need to write is your education( if any) , Past and Current ( no no not girl friends ) Employments , and it’s ready . It also allows you to give a brief summary , that’s where many of us try to be creative.

 

Sample Summary of Vencut Sobbo

“I am a vibrant , creative and hardworking young professional with a sharp focus on quality tasks. Other than BAU am also good at multi tasking and have accomplished a robust culture in current organisation. My goal in life is to scale new heights and take my organisation to even higher height. If given a chance , I would prove an ASSet to your esteemed organisation , together we can achieve even newer heights – you can see that I am not scared of heights"

 

This will ensure that your summary appears in every possible search , by any damn consultant , MBA or a wanna be MBA cum Consultant.

 

Sending Invites

First and foremost , use LinkedIn special feature to send auto invites to all your gmail, rediffmail and yahoo mail contacts , this will ensure that your invite reaches atleast 749 people. Now it’s time for sending some personalised invites.

 

Sample personalised invites :

First , to that pretty HR lady who hired you.

“Dear SunderLuxmi , I would like to invite you to my LinkedIn because I like the way you helped me in filling all the 19 Joining Forms including my hobbies , I still remember the way you smiled listening that Orkutting is my hobby”

 

Second , to the Head Marketing , whom you met in the LOO.

“Dear Sunderassan Sir, I am working with despatch department , as a junior vice executive – outgoing emails , please accept my invite. In case you don’t remember , we met at the place where all bodily fluids meet , and I liked your tattoo”

 

Making Recommendations

Now , it’s time to make some recommendations. By now , you would have received at least 19 messages asking for your recommendations.

 

The typical message would look something like - "I'm sending this to ask you for a brief recommendation of my work that I can include in my LinkedIn profile. If you have any questions, let me know. Thanks in advance for helping me out"

 

Now seeing this , don’t waste your time in remembering who’s this guy. All you need is to dust off your old “wren n martin “ , see what is an adjective – pick any one at random and make a sentence and Bingo .

 

Sample Recommendation for an Ex

“Nymphia and I go a long way , I still remember her first day in our office , also when we met at the “Annual Forward Looking Strategy and Looking Back Meeting”. She is very well dressed and has an eye for detail , she quickly spotted the mole and some hairs on my left ear lobe”

 

That’s it for this time , keep licking linking.

 

Disclaimer: Names have been changed on requests, If still it’s your name you better change it. 

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