If Steve was CEO of Toyota

“You know.. we're not perfect”. We want to make our users happy. If you dont know that about apple Toyota , you don't know us."

"The iPhone 4 Prius is perhaps our best product".

"We started getting reports of people having issues with the antenna.brakes. It doesnt seem like a good thing if you can touch your phone press your pedal in a certain way and it loses signal brakes. It turns out, it's not unique to the iPhone 4. Prius"

"It's a challenge for the whole industry. Phones Cars aren't perfect."

"We haven't figured out a way around the laws of physics. Yet.

"We didn't think it'd be a big problem."

Its been blown out of proportion. I know it's fun to have a story, but it's less fun when you're on the other side.

So here's what we're going to do: "Why don't you just give everyone a case cover ?

"Okay, great. Every iPhone 4 Prius owners gets a free case accident insurance cover"

"If you're still not happy? Return it. Full refund. Bring back an undamaged iPhone 4 Prius within 30 days, and get a full refund"

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UnFollow Saturday

Well if you can have Follow Friday , why can’t I have UnFollow Saturday . Time is precious , so is my TimeLine . I understand that its rude to “UnFollow” any one esp , being an Indian where they say “Atithi Devo Bhava ~ Guest is God” .

Still , other than time , its also about space and with a 2” by 2” blackberry screen , I can’t afford to have too many Creets ( Crap Tweets) on my TimeLine. Just imagine , I am in a very important office meeting , get a comfort break for couple of minutes , decide to use it for having a look at my Twitter Timeline and all I get is “ tweets with links without even mentioning what they contain”. I scroll down to see , and the other ones are quotes . It affects my productivity as well for the balance part of my meeting.

So on weekends I do this drill called “UnFollow Saturday” , here are my standards what makes some qualify for this prestigious drill .

RT Jockeys : All they do is RT , RT this , that ever thing else . If you don’t have anything original to say , you don’t have a place in my timeline .Just follow people and enjoy .

Quote Maniacs: By now I remember all what Winston Churchill , Mahatma Gandhi , Lucy , Nancy and Tina have said , remember if I Google I’ll get all the damn quotes , subject wise , done neatly . Why should I follow you for someone else’s quotes.

Serial Twiller: I repeat , my time n the space on my blackberry screen is precious , so I don’t want to see you , you n only you when I scroll down . Have a break, try Kit Kat.

Chat on Twitter: I know you both get along very well , you want to know what did She have for Dinner , Whether the Red dress you bought together is fitting well or not – But do that on G Talk , Yahoo , BB Messenger etc . Why the hell I and other 117 people should know your conversation.

Threesome: I have to unfollow 2 of you if you just keep on ReTweeing each other , don’t you think it’s better to follow 1 of you and get goodness of 3.

If after reading this , you are inspired to UnFollow me or any one else , just let me know the reason so that I can add in the blog. Thanks

Disclaimer: List is not exhaustive and i may unfollow you for reasons other than this also.

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How to get ReTweeted

Twitter is not about Tweeting , It’s about ReTweeting rather getting ReTweeted . I know many of you keep refreshing your time lines in hope that some one RTs you , and whenever you think you have written something interesting – the person who RTs is God at that point of time.

Now lets see , how to get RTed .

Remember , Ingredients of any RT are – A tweet , some space and a tweep to RT.

KISS - I know you always find it difficult to squeeze your wisdom in 140 characters , but if you want to get RTed , you need to give space to others . Remember , no one would bother to shorten your tweet to RT , so KISS – Keep it Short ,Stupid.

Content – I know many of your tweets are comical , wittier , informative than any other damn guy on the Twitter , but that’s not enough . If you think otherwise, don’t read further and go tweet.

Now that’s where your contribution to the RT ends and creativity begins.

Mentions – Mention people generously, Tweeps are gullible and get trapped easily , also they think that you considered them important enough for mention.

Timing – Be it Sex , Comedy , Love or Worldcup – Timing does matter. So stalk some people with 1000+ followers , and Tweet when that fellow is online , then tweet and mention his / her name at the end. When online , instead of scrolling down and seeing old tweets , people concentrate more on the latest tweets so likelihood of RT is more.

Interests – Find people with similar interest , and mention their name at the end . Person would RT because He / She thinks that you have considered him expert in that area .

Quid Pro Quo ( 69) – When ever you are free , Keep RTing - even if the content is crap , remember you are RTing that fellow in anticipation , so more you RT , more you get RTed. Remember , you are not the only one who wants to get RTed , every one else does.

Never say , Please RT – Why to state the obvious.

Say Thanks – I think your Mom would have told you this , it works.

Great , now that you have finished reading , you know what to do :)

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AntiSocial Networking – LinkedIn Special

LinkedIn has more than 70 million registered users, spanning more than 200 countries , and that’s more than enough reason to be proud of – One in 70 million , that’s YOU and this also gives you a very prestigious social status – Man is a social animal.

Lets see how collectively we can abuse this whole thing and get antisocial – am sure you would have done this at some point or other but lets do a recap for benefit of the antisocial network at large.

Never Say No

I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.

I know you are trying to remember the title of the book which was something like “Never say No , When you want to say Yes” . So the moment you see “I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.” – immediately say YES. You may not recollect now who’s the person then do you know who stays on 5^th floor , flat number 501 of your society . So just click confirm – anyhow always remember “Atithi Devo Bhava”

Endorse all n sundry

“Can you endorse me” –

Dear Vikas,

I'm sending this to ask you for a brief recommendation of my work that I can include in my LinkedIn profile. If you have any questions, let me know. Thanks in advance for helping me out.

What What ! you don’t know him enough , just worked with him for 2 days or he was just a passing acquaintance in your last job . Come on , don’t be a snob – all that guy is requesting you is a “recommendation” . So just go ahead and do it . What , Come again – you don’t know what to write . Now that’s the real challenge if you are not good at words , okay let me give you a hint . Dust off your old “wren n martin “ , see what is an adjective – pick any one at random and make a sentence and Bingo .

Never be negative in making any recommendations , even if you hated that fellow , control your emotions and say

"I am happy to say that this candidate is a FORMER colleague of mine." Or

"I can assure you that NO person would be better for the job."

People you may know

Trust me , LinkedIn goes all the way out to find out this list , its handpicked for you , so never insult that and invite every body featuring in this list .Its displayed at the Right- Top corner of the your profile page . Initially you ‘ll think that “what if” if other person doesn’t accept your request . Remember , Atithi Devo Bhava and by now he / she also has read “Never say no” , so just invite . The more you do , more confident you’ll feel.

Happy Abusing , Man is a social ANIMAL.

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Brick-bats n Bouquets via Twitter!

Warning : I may insult you while i write this , so think twice before going ahead . Also , just because you're featured here doesn't make you great - try earning it !

I follow around 100 odd people , and have chosen you all for a particular reason , prime purpose of remains entertainment while i am attending meetings .

What irritates me

Don't say just for the sake of saying , some times its better to post a blank tweet .

" I'm hungry" " have nothing interesting to say" - Go eat then , don't tweet

Its Twitter , not a chat room

"When r u reaching gurgaon" >"not possible today">"lets catch up at Noida">"8 o clock" - Why TF bother me and 100 others , go on yahoo chat , BB messenger or G Talk

Dear Mom , I ................

"Just had a 'light' lunch of fried bhindi, stuffed baingan, kofta & chana + missi roti" "- You really think , ur 450 followers want to know this unless you are SRK or Justin F*******

I don't have money for classified ads , and my hostel doesn't have a notice board

"Want a WiFi modem for rent/borrow. x_X Anyone interested" - Even if you get your modem from 1 , you have annoyed other 999 without any fault of theirs.

Hash Tag Jockeys

"#Steve #Jobs #apple #america #funny #ipad" - WTF

I like them , Be like them

@jhunjhunwala for everything esp being modest , jahanpanah tussi great ho

@spymaami don't ask me why i like her , u fu*****

@ashwinsanghi being a wordsmith , must be cousin of william wordsworth

@amancool5 for your serious tweets n even serious looks ( once a senior , always a senior)

@sunainak "I love hate storys", u make effort or its natural ?

@krishashok did you invent #hashtag?

@rameshsrivats Hats off !

Enough of praise , now get back tweeting please , i have a meeting to attend !

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