AntiSocial Networking – LinkedIn Special

LinkedIn has more than 70 million registered users, spanning more than 200 countries , and that’s more than enough reason to be proud of – One in 70 million , that’s YOU and this also gives you a very prestigious social status – Man is a social animal.

Lets see how collectively we can abuse this whole thing and get antisocial – am sure you would have done this at some point or other but lets do a recap for benefit of the antisocial network at large.

Never Say No

I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.

I know you are trying to remember the title of the book which was something like “Never say No , When you want to say Yes” . So the moment you see “I'd like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.” – immediately say YES. You may not recollect now who’s the person then do you know who stays on 5^th floor , flat number 501 of your society . So just click confirm – anyhow always remember “Atithi Devo Bhava”

Endorse all n sundry

“Can you endorse me” –

Dear Vikas,

I'm sending this to ask you for a brief recommendation of my work that I can include in my LinkedIn profile. If you have any questions, let me know. Thanks in advance for helping me out.

What What ! you don’t know him enough , just worked with him for 2 days or he was just a passing acquaintance in your last job . Come on , don’t be a snob – all that guy is requesting you is a “recommendation” . So just go ahead and do it . What , Come again – you don’t know what to write . Now that’s the real challenge if you are not good at words , okay let me give you a hint . Dust off your old “wren n martin “ , see what is an adjective – pick any one at random and make a sentence and Bingo .

Never be negative in making any recommendations , even if you hated that fellow , control your emotions and say

"I am happy to say that this candidate is a FORMER colleague of mine." Or

"I can assure you that NO person would be better for the job."

People you may know

Trust me , LinkedIn goes all the way out to find out this list , its handpicked for you , so never insult that and invite every body featuring in this list .Its displayed at the Right- Top corner of the your profile page . Initially you ‘ll think that “what if” if other person doesn’t accept your request . Remember , Atithi Devo Bhava and by now he / she also has read “Never say no” , so just invite . The more you do , more confident you’ll feel.

Happy Abusing , Man is a social ANIMAL.

Tweet

Brick-bats n Bouquets via Twitter!

Warning : I may insult you while i write this , so think twice before going ahead . Also , just because you're featured here doesn't make you great - try earning it !

I follow around 100 odd people , and have chosen you all for a particular reason , prime purpose of remains entertainment while i am attending meetings .

What irritates me

Don't say just for the sake of saying , some times its better to post a blank tweet .

" I'm hungry" " have nothing interesting to say" - Go eat then , don't tweet

Its Twitter , not a chat room

"When r u reaching gurgaon" >"not possible today">"lets catch up at Noida">"8 o clock" - Why TF bother me and 100 others , go on yahoo chat , BB messenger or G Talk

Dear Mom , I ................

"Just had a 'light' lunch of fried bhindi, stuffed baingan, kofta & chana + missi roti" "- You really think , ur 450 followers want to know this unless you are SRK or Justin F*******

I don't have money for classified ads , and my hostel doesn't have a notice board

"Want a WiFi modem for rent/borrow. x_X Anyone interested" - Even if you get your modem from 1 , you have annoyed other 999 without any fault of theirs.

Hash Tag Jockeys

"#Steve #Jobs #apple #america #funny #ipad" - WTF

I like them , Be like them

@jhunjhunwala for everything esp being modest , jahanpanah tussi great ho

@spymaami don't ask me why i like her , u fu*****

@ashwinsanghi being a wordsmith , must be cousin of william wordsworth

@amancool5 for your serious tweets n even serious looks ( once a senior , always a senior)

@sunainak "I love hate storys", u make effort or its natural ?

@krishashok did you invent #hashtag?

@rameshsrivats Hats off !

Enough of praise , now get back tweeting please , i have a meeting to attend !

Tweet

Peter , Repeater and ReTweeter!

Santa planned name of his boy - Peter – But had twins so named them Peter n Repeater . Thank God he was not on twitter , else would have Tweeter and Retweeter .
Actually , ReTweeter is the fastest growing community in this world , and there are many types of ReTweeters .

My timeline has some of the most interesting types of ReTweeters* , Let me start calling names!

Only RTers: Retweet the moment it hit types : With eyes glued on their timelines , they simply RT anything and every thing.
Worship RTers: These are the ones who actually worship many of them they follow , so if their GOD has tweeted , has to be Retweeted , irrespective of the content! Sometimes if Sachin goes to the Loo and say’s going to the loo – they RT.
Add a bit RTers: Read the tweet , if interesting , start thinking what can be added , then add a word or two and there you go !
WTF RTers: I love this phrase and can be added to most of the tweet , so they RT and just add prefix WTF!
LOL RTers: Other phrase which can be prefixed to dumb or hilarious tweets , so prefix and hit RT.
Thanks RTers: if you have been RTed , you should thank. So this kind RT listing all the handles who have RTed them . Some of them actually post 7-8 tweets in asecond as they have to thak many. They add exclaimations ranging from Thanks to Luv , Hugs n Kisses for RT . Remember Bryan Adams : Just RTed to say …… I thank you!
Obligated RTers: Well if last time he / she RTed ur tweet , its your obligation to RT –so RT to return the favor.
Gang RTers: Well if the Tweet is from a member of the gang , it has to ReTweeted
Never RTers: SRK when would you start RTing

Btw , what ever category you are in , please feel free to RT me , I never mind.

*: List is not exhaustive , so feel free to challenge , add , comment .
@vikaspgoel

Tweet

Why the hell I tweet?

Am about to reach my 1000th tweet , that means must have wasted around 1,40,000 character's of twitter space- may be would have added to some carbon foot print also . No worries , shall plant some trees (virtually on twitter).

I think twitter is gross waste of time , and is seriously affecting my career , personal and professional life - must tell that was about to fall off the treadmill running at a speed of 10km/hr because tried tweeting while running .

Well that's not the only pitfall of being on twitter as there is always a hospital near by to fix you up , should you fall of the treadmill . Real issue is curiosity ? There is nothing more intriguing in life than twitter .

Even after having tweeted 1000 tweets and following 100 people , some questions remain un answered :

- How to resist temptation of tweeting amidst an important meeting , driving , jogging or ****ing etc etc?

- Why some tweets carry only #hashtags and twitter handles and nothing else?

- WTF does FTW means ?

- @jhunjhunwala is so rude still people standup when he "arrives"?

- What the hell is "you follow me , i'll follow you" concept?

- How come @rameshsrivats is so funny yet many other suck?

- Who is @spymaami?

- Once on twitter , how to think beyond 140 characters in daily life?

- How come @sidin 's mediocre tweet is retweeted by 100 people and no one looks at most wittiest of my tweets?

- What's the logic of @toptweets picking tweets , how come my tweet has never been re tweeted?

- Why do some people just keep retweeting left right n centre?

- How come two genuine people @amancool5 and @ashwinsanghi and some 50 other still following me and the rest of the ******** are going crazy about Bieber , Jieber or what ever that ******** is ?

- finally , after all this , WHY THE HELL I @vikaspgoel TWEET?

Tweet

Twitter is not easy , So is Life!

Though I created my twitter account more than a year back but got active on twitter only recently ( @vikaspgoel ). The whole idea of being able to say some thing meaningful in < 140 characters , excites me . Now after more than 500 tweets , have learnt that Twitter is not easy , so is life !

Life also doesn't give you long to prove your self , here its 140 characters that's it.

You work hard to get followers on twitter , so in life ! - After 500 tweets , all i have is a set of 36 followers

You think you are at wittiest best , and never get quoted ( Read RT )

You say smart things in forums / meetings , still don't get mentioned.

You ask questions to leaders , managers but don't get answers.

You get jealous of peers for having more than you inspite of your calibre - how come his followers are more than yours

People take credit of others' work - Read RT without mention

You quietly admire people still don't acknowledge - checking timelines but yet not follow

You admire people just because others' admire - tend to follow who got more follwers

You are serious and people ridicule you - replying with a smiley

You never know actually how many like you - may be 3600 followers check my timeline but not follow me :)

Twitter is not easy , So is Life!Tweet