Network, so that you need notwork.

Are you that hardworking type? The one who believes that success is 99.9% perspiration and Work is Worship? Then please leave this page immediately and go back to work. Yes, it’s because of you that your Boss gets promoted. So, go ahead and please work even more so that HE can go home early for HIS golf practice while you do the number crunching.

Only worthwhile thing ever said about hard work is ~ If hard work were really a virtue, then mules would be saints. ~ James Dee Richardson

So all you need to know is how to network, so that you need notwork.

Smoking: I know, smoking is injurious to health and that research report says that it may shorten your life by 7 years. But, won’t it be better if you die as VP- Strategy, Synergy & Looking Forward than live long as an Assistant Manager – Sales. These smoking breaks would help you interact with your Boss’s Boss and give you a chance to appreciate his new Rolex watch.

Drinking: When was the last time you heard that CEO’s favorite drink is Lassi. You need to love your Vodka and Tequilas. How else would you be able to laugh at the COO’s silly jokes during that office Project Raw.Deal success party? 

Flirting: Come on, what’s the harm even if you are married. Your wife would love you even more when you give her a solitaire on her birthday rather than that discounted Giordano watch. Be it that “not so young” head of marketing or your Boss’s secy, everyone likes to hear – Hey, looking so pretty, what did you do to your hair today”. Try, and see the results, at least this will help you in getting some dope about the Boss’s mood.

Faffing: You really think you’ll gain that promotion by being glued to your desk and bending 45 degrees towards your computer screen – that’ll only give you a backache.  Get up and roam around. Spend some time at that coffee machine you hate, at the common office printer, loo and the cafeteria. Those are the places where you get to know who’s not getting along with his boss and who got snubbed in that Vision 2012 meeting. FYI, most of the promotions are discussed in the corridor.

Spamming: Yes, no one minds those occasional jokes over phone and some interesting email forwards. These also help your bosses and seniors to kill time in those long meetings. And, you never know when that email forward reaches your CEO and gives you that 20 seconds of glory in his inbox.

If at any point of time you think that these tips are not working, try them in combinations. Say, Drinking & Flirting together - at an office party.

PS: Smoking is injurious to health, many die at Asst. Manager Level also. Yes, Smoking Kills.

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Ra.One Damn Damn!

Those who know me are well aware of my love for Bollywood, SRK in general and Himesh Reshamiya in particular. The best thing about this industry is that they are so passionate about the craft that they don’t give a damn about time and money – your time and your money.

Let’s discuss the two most awaited Bollywood releases this Diwali. No this is not a movie review, as in Bollywood it’s unethical to publish the review before you watch the movie. 

Ra.One 

If you are connected to any form of media or simply put, if you’re alive, you would have heard about this movie. I am told that this is the Bollywood’s most expensive movie to date and will not be surprised if it’s the most expensive mistake of SRK’s life. This movie has also baffled the traditional MBA community who still think that the 4 Ps of marketing are Product, Price , Place and Promotion. New school of management, also known as MbaOne believes that there’s only one P of marketing and that is Promotion. On a serious note, this is known to be Bollywood’s most inclusive project ever, never before have a Tamil superstar, a Non Tamil Superstar and a Non Indian R&B superstar come together in a movie. Infact this American R&B artist, aka Aliaune Damala Badara Thiam, was so happy that he announced that he would like to perform more in India – Bryan Adams is worried.

Damadamm! 

The other movie worth mentioning is Damadamm! (exclamation mark is part of the name, not my expression ). If RaOne is the most expensive attempt , this one is the most audacious attempt. It features the Himesh Reshamiya who will once again prove that India has got talent. Unlike SRK, Himesh does not believe in opulence, be it music, singing or distribution , he’s all doing it by himself except for the female lead. His promotions too are simple testimonies of his friends and relatives, who say this Diwali they’ll just watch Damadamm! –SRK is worried . If SRK is boasting about ChamakChallo, Himesh says it’s UmraoJaan who’s the next Shiela . In fact, song is so popular that even SRK sings it when he’s mobbed by the fans. 

No touching no touching ♬

Only seeing only seeing ♬

No kissing no kissing ♬

Only seeing only seeing ♬

Chances are, that you’ll still end up watching at least one of these movies, and knowing you all, it’ll be the one who needs it most. Happy Diwali.

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I am not Gandhi, even you're not.

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Writing it off !

Writing is not easy, writing regularly is even more difficult. Hats off to people like Madhavan Narayanan , Sidin Vadukut, Jhunjhunwala, Faking News and many others who write regularly, week after week and write bloody well.

I try writing on weekends and my cues are usually on current affairs, on Bollywood or Corporate Life ( an oxymoron though). I wrote twice about Bollywood movies; ZNMD & MBKD, and both the movies did financially well. I thought, this week too, let me go and spend 1000 bucks on watching Mausam and write about it, was afraid that it my spoil my track record of writing about “Box Office Hit Movies". I also wanted to save money for the iphone5,  and dropped the idea.

Clueless about what to write, this Paris Hilton thing happened. Like all seasoned researchers I also started my research with google.  Within 0.13 seconds, I got 143,000,000 results.  Now google pointed me to pages that cannot be opened without  declaring “Continue, I’m over 18” and then putting the “family filter” off.  With kids around, I shelved the plan and decided to do a "safe" twitter search and landed on her twitter page. 
Bio : Model, Actress, Singer, Brand, Business Woman, Fashion Designer, Author, Philanthropist and Empire.
I always thought she is just famous for being filthy rich and releasing her short videos which people in India call MMS. She has close to 4.8 million followers which is almost 100 times the followers our very own and equally talented Poonam Pandey has. I think India got her wrong, she’s much more than what India think she is famous for.

Still, I thought let me tweet something about her to check what people want and in a few tweets realized that men want to “see” more of her not “read” about her, dropped the idea of writing about her.

Then, this Vinod Kambli’s pic caught my attention. Later I realized that he has announced his retirement from cricket. Retirement!! I don’t follow cricket that keenly but atleast know this much that he’s not even part of any Ghatkopar or even Kandivali east cricket team, then what the hell is this retirement. Any how, wishing him the best of “retired” life, I moved on.

Continuing with cricket, I noted that Shoaib Akhtar is trending on twitter. Came to know that the guy is in India to promote his new book. Already disturbed with the fact that every Tom, Dick and Banker has taken up writing, Shoaib’s new book really upset the aspiring writer in me.  Still Ok, but what the hell is there to trend. OMG, he said, “Sachin , Dravid were scared of me”.  So what big deal, he’s doing that for the publicity. Our Bollywood does these stunts every Friday.

Fed up with all this, I dropped the idea of writing all together this week.

Insignificantly Yours

Vikas Goel

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Mere Brother ki Dulhan

I am just back after watching this movie. I feel you should also watch it. If you are still hesitant, pick any of these reasons and get going.

• It’s a family movie, I mean when did you last come across a movie which had two family members in the movie title itself – Brother and Dulhan.
• You are a big time Katrina fan, and, you don’t have access to youtube where you can watch her Aamsutra ad.
• Any thing to do with Imran Khan must be good. He still remains your favorite, especially after his split with Jemina Khan, oh wait.
• You are a firm believer that it’s our obligation to promote a movie which has an actor from Pakistan. Especially when every other attempt to bring peace between the two countries has already failed.
• You are big fan of Taran Adarsh, John Abraham or both. ( Yes, I said John Abraham )
• Any thing which can be abbreviated to four alphabets ending with letter D is your idea of fun – ZNMD , **PD, MBKD etc.
• You can’t believe that someone can mashup good movies like Sorry Bhai and Monsoon Wedding and still do a pathetic job.
• You watch every Yash Raj movie because you had a dream that one day Aditya Chopra would do a cameo and you’ll get to see him.
• AC at your home is not working and electrician says it’ll take around 3 hours to get it repaired.
•  Last, but not the least, you are still miffed with Team India's performance in England and want to punish yourself. 

 Please note that this is not a paid review, and no animals have been harmed while writing this post.Tweet