Oh Yeah , We’re the CrackVerry Boys

We wear  fake attitude

We deserve no gratitude

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

We’re Medicore , But we’re Arrogant

We’re very very Arrogant

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

We do PowerPoints

and we do mail

We do meetings

We do all in vain.

Oooo, ooo, ooo, hoooo

Cos We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Na na na

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

Oh yeah

We’re the CrackVerry Boys

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Why Kashmir doesn't get solved on my timeline ?

click on the image to view .

To view on TwitPic , click here http://twitpic.com/2u2pvh

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Playing Buzkashi in office.

Buzkashi

I met my friend ,Vencut Balsubbu, Vice President, Synergistic Initiatives, Hefner & Hustler, after a  long time . While chatting, I asked him that how he, an adventure sports loving person,  passes his time in office. “I play email-email” He added “You should know that “email email” is the most popular, adventurous yet dangerous game ever invented after Buzkashi .

He didn’t wait to give me some of his favorites:

When free and have nothing to do, just pick up an email with some attachment, say something like "Seems fine but doesn't gel with the overall strategy , suggest meeting to discuss in detail . Asok, see if you can make a lucid one pager for all" and do reply all. Don’t forget to add some random recipients. It will just take 2 minutes but will set people back by 2 days. Of course , poor Asok will end up working weekend and many will  die figuring out why the email is copied to them.

Whenever you get a forward which is bulky and complex , containing some industry research, all you need to do is to forward to your boss. Add a message like this “don’t agree with all of it but the stats on page 19 are really eye opening” , of course you need not read anything except page 19. If you manage a team , the same document can be sent to them with a message “Let’s discuss sometime next week” , and some of them will take the print home to prepare for the next week.

Whenever you come across any newspaper article on your industry covering a subject like IT or HR which is not your domain, just find the link through google and send it to your peer in IT saying “Came across this piece , speaks about breakthrough in production, in beta though , may be of interest to you” . Of course the message looks benign but the moment you copy it to Head of IT , turns lethal.

Google Alerts, best thing ever happened to an office goer. Everyone creates alerts about your organisation, competitors, but to standout you try this "Strategy+Synergy+(insert name of sector you work)" . Now the moment you get some result, just download the column and forward it to Head-Strategy and Head-HR with a copy to Executive Assistant of the CEO, just say "Must Read". And, yes no need to read it yourself.

And finally when in doubt, just forward the email saying “fyi , please”.

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Dear Ganesha, So What....

Like every year, this year too we are celebrating Ganesh Chaturthi  will all the fervour and gaiety . And , I am sure YOU will bless us all , after all we do so much for YOU.

We spare no efforts in collecting “chanda” from all and sundry in your name , so what if we have to beat a couple of shopkeepers for not paying what we asked for.

We ensure that your procession is the best and biggest , and do every bit to make you reach early and safe to the “visarjan area” , so what if we have to block traffic for couple of hours or more, so what if some critical patient carrying ambulance get delayed or some office goers face problems, so what if all the state's traffic police is dedicated  towards YOUR safety while ignoring other areas.

We play music at our loudest to entertain you , some times even play Bappi , Himesh or “Munni Badnam Hui” so that you know the latest trends , So what if the kids preparing for exams can’t concentrate or some ailing patients get disturbed.

Your idols have to be the best without making any compromises on your looks , so what if they are made in plaster of paris and painted in some nickel and cadmium heavy paints. 

We will immerse you in sea not in any specially made visarjan ponds , because that’s the place to be , so what if that pollutes the water or disturb the ecological balance.

Now that we have done so much for you , why won't you bless us.

Disclaimer: Dear Ganesha , I have copied the above image from web without paying any royalty as I don't know who has patented YOU or your images.

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Google Instant , Filter Coffee and Mumbai Trains

There’s so much buzz about “Google Instant”  , my friend Venkat Ballsubbu , Senior Executive with an MNC Consulting in India , decided to call up Google to find out.

Venkat: What’s this Google Instant ? Don’t you know we still like Filter Coffee!

Google: Sir , Google Instant is not an Instant Coffee , It’s our new search enhancement that shows results as you type.

Venkat: But why , you guys were fast enough.  Many times you boast saying - About 104,000,000 results (0.19 seconds) , while my slow internet connection took 9 minutes to show them.

Google: (Faster Searches)  Sir , Our key technical insight was that people type slowly, but read quickly, So Google Instant can save 2-5 seconds.

Venkat: 2-5 SECONDS , Big deal !  We in India waste hours in meetings , while taking minutes ; waste hours smoking ,having tea , travelling on potholed roads , watching TV serials like Rahul ka swayamwar . We still waste days observing Bandhs for no rhyme or reason ; waste years preparing for Common Wealth Games and some Bollywood actors have wasted lifetime learning acting – What you talk 2-5 seconds of savings.

Google: (Smarter Predictions) Sir , Also , even when you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for, predictions help guide your search.

Venkat:  WTF ! , Predictions , My foot ! Every time I type "How to" , you predict “How to get pregnant” , You think an Indian needs Google to teach him How to get or make pregnant? 

Google: Sir , The most obvious change is that you get to the right content much faster than before because you don’t have to even press “search.”

Venkat: You got it all wrong , I never mind ‘pressing’ . Come with me in Mumbai’s crowded local trains , you’ll start enjoying pressing . Your product will fail in India.

Google: Sir , By the way , It’s a FREE service.

Venkat: Oh thanks , You should have told earlier . We love anything and everything , if Free.

More about Google Instant http://google.com/instant

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