Oh my God, I am speechless!

Whenever I see these award functions, be it one of those 192 Bollywood awards an year or the one and only 'The Oscars', I dream of giving an acceptance speech.

Other way to express gratitude publicly is through these reality shows like KBC. Problem is that since childhood, I never faced any financial hardship. Also, none of my parents beat me so that I can paint a sorry picture.  Sometimes they gave me more than they could afford or I deserved, so nothing there in my life which makes me eligible to appear in a reality show. 

Then I thought why to subject myself to this cruel, man eat man world of cinema or reality TV when there is our own twitter. 

Now that I have 'arrived' on twitter, I must give an acceptance speech.

Here you go.

"Oh my God, Oh my God, I am speechless, this is incredible. I can’t believe that some 1200 of you, whom I haven't paid a single rupee, are following me. This is awesome. 

It’s an unbelievable act of God that you guys are following me. Some of you even have bigger car than me, which you keep flaunting every now and then, still follow me. That’s self less.

To all those pretty ladies, who keep ranting about their useless hubbies, in-disciplined kids but lovely dogs, thanks for following me. 

All those twitter biggies, with tens of thousands of followers, who are more particular about choosing the people they follow than their kids’ primary schools; I am indebted to you for life for following me.

Those wonderful wren n martin fan-club guys, known as Grammar-Nazis here, you are doing an awesome job. So what if a guy takes an hour to produce that deadly piece of witty pun, it’s your duty to tell in a split second that it should be it’s not its. Your (sorry) You’re awesome.

I must applaud the ladies and gentlemen, who always order food not for its taste but for it’s tweetability and instagrammableness. Wow. Your broccoli looks better than my coriander.

Special thanks to all those pun-machines, even if they are helping their kid to cross the road, then also they ensure that they tweet the joke at the speed of Usain Bolt to impress me and some 2345 other unknown blokes. Hope their kid has crossed the road safely.

I must mention here all those “avid readers” who drive all the way to crossword book stores, click pictures of books, tweet them. So what if they don’t buy or read. 

A special mention to those, who are awake till wee hours, just to participate in hash-tags because their twitter idols are also doing so. Kids' bed-time stories can happen later.

There's also a breed who live-tweet every TV event, be it a cricket match or an award show. They do this in spite of knowing that TV reach is far more than twitter. Take a bow.

How can I forget all those weather-broadcasters and flight information disseminatiors, it's because of you that people like me know that Pune's weather is awesome and flight to Bangalore is delayed by 30 minutes. What a service!

I know I am forgetting some tribes here, but as I said, Oh my God, Oh my God, I am speechless”

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Bad Day at office!

Pretty common, right!. Actually a Bad Day at office is as inevitable as bad traffic on your way to office. Remember that guy in Ceat Ad said "Street is full of Idiots" . However, smart, savvy and cautious driver you are, there will always be some jerks on the road, who'll bug you and even put you to risk. Some are as grave as life threatening, some are just annoying by their honking. Similarly at office, a bad day may be just a mood-spoiler or career limiting.

Coming back to my theory that office is not meant to give you happiness, because they pay you. It's upon you that in the process of doing job and making money, you may have have some (or more, if you are smart enough ) moments of fun. So, if you didn't have a bad day, it's their lameness, your luck and smartness, else Idiots will leave no chance to make it bad.

My point is, problem is not a bad day, problem is if you let it affect you. My two cents on how to cope with it.

• First thing first, they pay you, right. Just have a look at that salary credit sms you got, feel better! But never look at someone else's salary credit, that's damaging and beyond the scope of this blog.
• Ignore, simply ignore. If you don't believe it's bad, it's not. Dhoni is still playing, and Akshay Kumar is still acting and people are still speaking ill about both of them. Ignore.
• Theory of relativity. Do you remember that quiz where they ask you "How to make this line __________________shorter without erasing it? Simple, draw a longer line _______________________________ next to it. Hope you got the message, your bad day is not bad, if you make someone else's even worse. I know it's mean, but who said Life in Office is fair.
• Sycophancy helps. I think Rumi once said, 'Sycophant a day, keeps a bad day away' Always have people around who are ready to say at the drop of hat "Boss, awesome stinker email, you just nailed the matter, good that you replied all and copied COO as well". Sycophants are real morale-booster and as effective as doping, and not even illegal. 
• Pretend & Act. Come on, there's a bit of Tusshar Kapoor & Abhishek Bachchan in all of us. Ever noticed their interviews, tweets "Tweeple, Damn busy with some good assignments, so won't be able to reply, XOXO". And, some believe this also. Just pretend that you are having awesome time. Act as if it was the other guy who lost the argument in the office meeting and feel sorry about him.
• Revenge. Little tricky but effective if done well. Start with, not working and just lazying around in office for some days. That's your revenge on the employer, you not working and they still paying you. Some do it through out their office life, but that's senior management forte, so avoid over doing. 

If any of these doesn't help, hit the Bar. There's nothing which a true spirit can't cure. Cheers.

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Lego is life!

Typical weekend, I was 'busy' on twitter while watching India-England cricket match and my son was assembling a space-ship with his newly acquired "Lego Rotor Rescue" set. Suddenly he got restless, as his shape, which has come out very well, was not matching the instruction booklet. And, I was summoned to advice. While, I spotted the slight error but that would have required dismantling the whole set, I was also unsure if that would actually correct it.

So, I said "the instruction booklet is printed wrongly" . "Papa, are you sure" . "Yes" . In next 2 minutes, his space-ship was ready, minutely different than the one shown. And he was roaming around the house showing his creation to every family member. 

Son's creation!

I think Lego carries many a life lessons. 

• Like Lego blocks, we can use the available 'resources/tools/blocks/skills' to make what WE want of our life.
• We can reboot, restart, reassemble as many times as we want.
• In spite of same resources, different people reach different outcomes.
• Process of building blocks is time-consuming, arduous, painful but if you keep the end result in mind, it's worth it.
• While having an instruction manual (parent / coach ) certainly helps, yet if you are determined, you can do without it. But, nothing like a 'parent' to start with.
• Have a partner to play with, and see how interesting the "building block" journey is.
• If you keep making the same thing out of your blocks, you may lose interest in Lego itself. Remember, Lego is just a set of finite blocks, but combinations you can make are nearly infinite - So is Life. 

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Smile!

Sad news all around, so thought should start my new year with writing about something sweet, simple yet rare - A Smile.

Smile must be one of those things which doesn't cost a dime except that easy movement of that 20 odd facial muscles, still we treat this as if we are asked to part with our money for someone else's charity. 

Few days back, walking on my way to the grocery store, saw a 20 something dude coming to me. Face looked familiar, and while I was trying to place that guy, he smiled at me. Before I could reciprocate, we lost the eye contact and he passed by. I kept thinking, suddenly it struck me that this is that IIT student who shared a cab with me when I wasn't getting one on a rainy day. Not even that he also pointed to my phone which I would have forgotten in the cab. And, I started feeling guilty that I didn't acknowledge him and his smile.

When it comes to smiling, the simple heart and complicated mind come into play and we have lots of questions before we make that BIG decision to smile :

• Do I know him / her?
• I know him but does he know me?
• Why should I smile first?
• If I smile first , will he reciprocate?
• Last time I smiled at him but he didn't?
• What if I smile and he decides to talk, I'll get late?

By the time our mind processes all these questions, chances are that the person passes by or we lose the eye contact. 

Question here is what makes it so difficult to part with a smile? Do we lose a fortune or something if we smile at a stranger!

Next time, when you come across even a slightly known face, don't let your mind come into play and just pass that smile. Be it that security guy, that maid, that junior colleague, neighbor's driver, whoever.  

Well it's important to recollect who that person is but smile can be passed immediately. 

When in doubt, Smile , and do it fast:)

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Corporate Lessons from Life of Pi

I watched Life of Pi yesterday. I know, a bit too late but this happens when you got a middle class mentality and wait for everyone else to watch the film and confirm that it’s worth spending 1500 bucks. By the way, I was hugely disappointed. No, the movie is awesome but I am disappointed with the reviews. Reviewers just focused on one aspect – a visual treat. I think this was much beyond that and had many a life lessons to be learnt.

Here are some.

Never ever blame your parents for naming you. No name is bad, not even ones containing words like Dick, Shit, Pee or whatever. Learn from "Piscine Molitor Patel”, if he can live with a name like that, so can you.

When they say “Religion is the Opium of Masses”, they mean if you overdo one religion. If religion interests you, don’t stick to one. Remember what Pi said “I am a catholic Hindu” and he offered namaz too. 

Don't fuss too much about your eating habits - being a vegetarian and all that. Hunger is a big leveler so better learn early.

All you corporate 9-5 types, this movie is actually written for you. Remember, the Bengal Tiger with a human name, “Richard Parker”. Perhaps Ang Lee wanted an average Corporate Office type to see and imagine his Boss in the Richard Parker – The Royal Bengal Tiger. So let’s call him Boss Parker.

Boss knows all:  To begin with, Pi was mistaken that Richard Parker will miss the escape life-boat when the storm hit the ship, never. Boss always knows when to escape a sinking ship.

Don't Mess with a hungry tiger or an angry Boss . You know the fate of hyena, and you don’t want to get killed, right. 

Try Taming: Pi realized that if he has to co-exist with the tiger in the deep sea, he needs to tame him. That’s how you deal with your difficult Boss. Try taming him, difficult yet possible. Pi hunted meat for him, just to feed him. Similarly, you also need to fetch credits and offer your Boss, on the platter.

Boss Parker & the Humble Pi

Never quit just because you got a bad boss, Never. Remember Pi, you can’t get more hostile environment than him. Yet, he didn't quit. He created a raft close to the life-boat yet far enough to survive from a Hungry Tiger. But, he never quit.

Never underestimate your Boss: Remember that floating island they reached, it took long for Pi to discover that the island turns carnivorous in the evening. But, Boss Parker realized much early and was already in the life-boat much before sunset. So, Boss knows it all.

Be nice to your Boss. We all know that when Boss is getting weak. Yet,  in his difficult times, be nice to him. Pi always knew this and never abandoned Parker when he was getting weak. He even saved Parker’s life by helping him come back on the boat. Be humane.

Don't fall in love. This was the worst mistake Pi did, he fell in love with Richard Parker. When the life-boat reached the coast, poor Pi thought that Parker would say him goodbye, may be thank him for feeding him for so many days. Yet, typical of any ungrateful Boss, Parker escaped to jungle, without even looking back. Pi cried, but I don't want you to cry. So never ever fall in love with your Boss.

Have a back-up story. Life is full of those Japanese insurance agents who just don't want to hear the truth. All they want is a believable story which is easy to be told. So, like Pi, don't pester too much telling the truth. Tell the palatable truth, or a while lie.

I hope this helped in getting more value out of the money you spent on Life of Pi. 

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