Cocktail - a teetotaler's perspective!

I had to watch this movie Cocktail, not that I am Bebo’s fan or something, just because that’s what a teetotaler can do – watch Cocktail while saying "waiter, one fresh lime soda please, sweet-salted both" Now having spent 1000 bucks, here are my 2 cents on the movie.

Characters : Veronica: Deepika , Meera: Diana & Gautam: Saif Uncle.

Story (read slowly): Veronica and Meera are friends. Gautam is Veronica’s friend. But Meera is not friends with Gautam. Gautam and Meera start liking each other. Now Veronica is not friends with Meera. Meera does not want to be friends with Gautam now. But Veronica is still friends with Gautam.  Gautam wants to again befriend Meera……. OK.OK. This is what an average dude and dudette on facebook call "It's Complicated, but Homi chose to call it - Cocktail.

I couldn’t sleep whole night after watching this movie.  It’s a very good script but in wrong hands and needed some editing. Wish the movies was made by our revered Sooraj Barjatya Sir, so that it reflected some Indian values. 

I am sure Sooraj sir would have changed a few things –

- How can a leading lady say “I’m a rich bitch”, “We’ll make an awesome threesome” , “You screwed me” and above all “I want to pee” . Man! when was the last time you ever heard a leading lady like Madhubala Ji say “I want to pee”. In movies, heroines don’t ever pee, forget saying that.

- Veronica & Gautam kissing, sleeping with each other, still ok. But, how the hell can they use same tooth brush. Ridiculous. Other bigger question is, if they had namak in their toothpaste!

- Now this song: Chadhi mujhe yaari teri aisi, jaise daaru desi. You mean country liquor? Indian Made Country Liquor!  We are the country of Prems & Sumans. Let’s not malign words like yaari comparing them to Daaru Desi. Sooraj ji would have edited this to - Chadhi mujhe yaari teri aisi, jaise chhaas safed si.

- The Ending - Man! Meera is still married to Kunal , so what if he didn’t accept her. Meera had to go back to Kunal.  Even if they had to make  Meera & Gautam a couple, how can they leave Veronica still single – Salman could have entered in the last frame to embrace Veronica.

- Last, name would have been "Mocktail – Zero percent alcohol ”

Let’s pray and wish that they don’t ever make Cocktail – 2, and if at all they make, Sooraj Ji is consulted on this. Cheers. 

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The Bombay Times & Your Career!

I must admit that I am a regular reader of Bombay Times because of my love for Bolywood, and it’s the only paper where every Page is a Page 3. I also read Mint because I am highly impressed with the quality of columns, its editor R Sukumar and his ethical editorial practices. (won't boast here that He follows me on twitter)

Well, this article is not about Mint or Bombay Times, it’s about your career. Ok, You are welcome. The key difference between Mint & Bombay Times is their approach towards the “sponsored” items.

Mint & Sponsored Columns:

The Media Marketing Initiatives on Pages 13 and 29 are the equivalent of paid-for advertisements, and no Mint journalists were involved in creating these. Readers would do well to treat them as advertisements

Not only this, Mint Editor puts this on the front page itself ! 

Bombay Times & Sponsored Columns:
Coming to our Bombay Times, these are good guys, just below their masthead, in very fine font, they write: Advertorial, Entertainment Promotional Feature .

Simple Na, no botheration to tell which is sponsored column, which is not. 

Your Career:
Now, to be successful in the Corporate Rat Race, what we all need is our own "Bombay Times" in our offices. If you think working hard will get you all those deserved promotions, this is the end of column for you. Wait, All the best. 

If you have a “Bombay Times” as a spokesperson in your office, He shall keep promoting you at every possible opportunity. If there’s no opportunity, he’ll create it to plug you and sing praises about you. He’ll also structure the conversation that will be interesting enough to grab attention, subtle to not make it very obvious and also give you enough airtime which you can’t ever get yourself. 

Sample this in Bombay Times, today , June 30, 2012:

Very innocuous sounding headline: "When Karan apologised"…. With a steamy picture to attract the average Indian. Now that you are at it, it ends with “Watch Jhalak Dikhhla Ja, tonight at 9pm on Colors”.  Now you know that this was nothing but to promote the Colors show Jhalak Dikhla Ja. This is what your own "Bombay Times" shall do for you.

Let's say, In a meeting of all VPs where your Boss’s Boss is also there: Hey, did you watch yesterday’s Spain vs Italy? Good match na. Actually, I had almost slept but Ajith from Marketing called me to discuss Project Sandwich then. Must say guy is really passionate about his work.

So, go and start finding your Bombay Times, now. 

PS: In case you come across Mint types, stay away. They are pretty straight forward and sometimes, brutally honest.

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Unfollowing on Friday!

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Missed Call & The Greatest Indian!

I was travelling when I read a tweet that there’s some contest called “The Greatest Indian”. I thought, like scores of other lists on twitter or about twitter, this would also be some twitter contest. Secretly, now that I have 900 followers, I hoped that even I could be one of the nominees. Soon, I saw some more tweets and realized that it’s big, bigger than I thought. Quickly, I scanned through the links ( The Greatest Indian ) and the nominees (of course, this post wouldn't be there if I was on the list ), and realized the portrayed magnanimity of this.

Since that day, I have been thinking about this, and surprised with the lack of outrage over it. I am still not over with it, and here are some of my reasons.

Concept: Seems the organizers are inspired by the Indian Idol where Anu Malik & other judges decide who reaches top 20 and then they leave it to the public to vote basis caste, creed, state, sex and the X factor.

Gandhi: The very fact that we are calling this “The Greatest Indian after Gandhi” is disturbing. Why not just say - The Greatest Popular Indian – Presented by Reliance and Brought to you by the Outlook, CNN-IBN & History. Why bring Gandhi into this whole thing?

Greatness: Who defines greatness? With voting in the hands of people of today’s generation,  it’s just about popularity. And, to me, Popularity is different than Greatness. To make it easy, there’s difference between Kamaal R Khan & Aamir Khan - one of them is just popular but not great.

Nominees:  It’s baffling to note that the likes of Mother Teresa, B.R.Ambedkar & Jawahar Lal Nehru shall compete with Sunil Gavaskar, Anand, Rajinikanth & Sachin Tendulkar. Won’t be surprised if a Bombay Times reading dude thinks it’s all about choosing between Sachin & Rajnikanth with some other 40 unfamiliar names.

Jury:  Agree that there is a list of 50 nominees to choose from, but what about the Jury. Who selected them? Chetan Bhagat, Shobha De & Vidya Balan–By what standards have they become eligible to choose a successor to Gandhi

Bollywood:  Isn’t this list too Bollywood / Film Industry nominees heavy? Amitabh Bachchan, Raj Kapoor, Rajnikanth, Satyajit Ray, Lata Mangeshkar, A.R. Rahman, Kishore Kumar, Dilip Kumar, Dev Anand, Mohammed Rafi, are 10 among the 50 names.

Missed Call: Now come on, how the hell can we decide something as important as this by “Giving a Missed Call”. Very fact that 900million Indians have access to Mobile, and Missed Call doesn’t cost a dime, takes away the seriousness out of this whole concept. 

The Aftermath:  Now imagine that some dude beats the likes of Mother Teresa & B.R. Ambedkar in this. Won’t be surprised if the Inverter or the telecom company claims that their products are endorsed by the successor of Gandhi.

I finish my rant here, just got a “Missed Call” from my driver. I leave it to all of us either to take this seriously enough or just call it another Indian Idol.

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Are you human!

I am sure you all are familiar (and bugged) with this benign looking yet extremely irritating 21st century invention called Captcha.

I am also no fan, yet I think we are underestimating the power of this amazing tool. If applied in real life, it can solve many environmental and other burning issues of recent times.

Getting straight to the point, read on!

Go Green: Next time you go to withdraw money from ATM, and it asks “Would you like a printed receipt” , saying Yes must precede doing a Captcha . I’m sure you’ll rather say No. Or, when you hit that print icon to a 40 page useless PDF manual, you must overcome this challenge. 

 Facebooking: Kind of time we waste checking others’ wedding, travel pics, there should be a captcha to be entered after every 15 minutes you spend on facebook. Now before you mindlessly “Like” that pic of the cute son of your hot classmate, do this.

 Twitter Trolling: Celebs may like to activate this for replies to them. Now imagine you want to tell Sajid Khan “Your movies suck man!” and you have to do a captcha. That’s a different thing that in case of Sajid Khan people shall solve this also.

 Watching Porn: Instead of clicking this obligatory “Continue, I’m over 18” there should be a captcha every time you want to do that stuff late evening. OK.OK. Please carry on, I understand.

Email Mania: Next time you do an avoidable “reply all”, “email joke forward”, it must throw up a captcha.

Online Shopping: I know it supports economy and all that, but what’s the fun in ordering books from flipkart which you never read but just tweet as #NowReading . Now enter this every time you order a new book before reading the older one.

The captcha images featuring here are not mine, I googled them and have used for this blog. In case copyrighted, I’ll be happy to remove them.

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