Monday, February 20, 2012

Maid Management Made Easy!

Missus: Hey listen, why are you not going to office today?
Me: Darling, Today is Maha Shivratri.

Missus: So what, Is it a National Holiday today?
Me:  How can you forget Maha Shivratri.  According to a legend, Parvati performed tapasya on this day to ward off any evil that might befall her husband. Since then, Maha Shivratri is believed to be an auspicious occasion for women to pray for the well-being of their husbands and sons.. Didn’t you read Immortals of Meluha? Even Karan Johar is making..*cuts abruptly*
Missus:  *annoyingly* Was this holiday planned or declared recently? You guys got a holiday for BMC elections also.
Me: Isn’t that good. Around 45% of us voted also. Let’s have one more cup of tea and pass the Bombay Times please!
Missus: Listen, forget tea and let me figure out if Sakku Bai is coming or no.

Well, I must say that Maids (or Domestic Help as Chetan calls them ) are the real VVIPs in any Indian household. Their recruitment may not be that big a issue, but retention certainly is. No management consultant, not even big-four are daring enter this area because it never works. This sector is grappling with high attrition which no one claims to have managed, with the only possible exception of Chetan Bhagat.

For those who are not Chetans, here are my 2 cents on how to manage them better. Always remember, your home is her workplace and as an employer you ought to make her workplace better.

·    Free Tea / Coffee : Don’t forget that you too get free coffee at office, and She has all the right for this at her workplace.
·   Unplanned Leaves : Other than the normal holidays, even She has the right to plan long weekends. If she calls to say “Didi, Bacchha beemar hai, aaj main nahin ayegi” , Don’t get upset, just remember the text you sent to your Boss for a leave.
·    Remuneration: If it’s on your mind, it’s on Her mind as well. You need to be extra cautious on this because the neighborhood Mrs. Iyer is ever ready to pay her more and poach her. Please note that problems in Greece and the weak Euro shouldn’t impact her increments and bonus. Also, don't try to link Her performance with Remuneration, it's all about the perceived market value. 
·    Career: WTF is that? I know what your Boss told you when you said that you got an offer from a competing organization, you may have been tricked by "think about your long term career Viveik, you're one of our star performers". But, don’t give this gyan to Her. There’s nothing called career, it’s all about money, honey. And, unlike you, She can't be fooled with just a change in title from Assistant Manager to Associate Manager.
·    Entertainment: Now when you’ve got all those Gyms/ Pools/ Common Areas at your office, How can you stop her from watching Balika Vadhu and Utaran. Shiney’s movies are strict No No though. If Chetan is to be believed, he even sponsored Ra.One tickets for his maids.
·    Be Nice: Irrespective of how your Boss treats you, never ever try to be “Hari Sadu” with her . She may not have access to but in Her market there’s no dearth of job. Also, she’s witness to many of your household secrets. She knows that you slept on the sofa last night.  So, just be nice.

As Karan Johar may have said, those who keep their maids happy, live happier.  This is how Chetan manages his Domestic Helps, respect! Chetan's Way

PS: Image downloaded from internet, couldn't find the copyright, if copyrighted, pls tell and i'll remove.


Viyoma said...

You sure seem to have an off today. First just a tweet and then a whole post on Maid Management. Awesome.

All Maid Management Experts can start a 3 months Diploma Course on Maid Management, Training and Techniques.

Aditya Nandode said...

Rofl! And still even after doing so much, if Iyer mad'am's hubby gets promoted, u may still ending up doing tue dishes.

Arpit said...

Woah.You are making a strong point, aren't you? After a tweet, an entire blog-entry!

Vikas P Goel said...

@Viyoma true that. There's a need for a diploma course but for the houshold " How to deal with your Maid" :)

@Arpit, right, tweet gave an idea to blog, but what lead to that tweet should be a secret.

Vikas P Goel said...

@aditya haha

BK Chowla, said...

Its getting worse every day.