Saturday, March 12, 2011

Venusians on Twitter !

This post is a result of extensive research and study, my sample size was approximately 3 women and Two and a Half men, many of them not even on twitter.By the end of this post you would know how to differentiate a Male tweep ( usually from Mars, wandering on earth) from a Female tweep (also owns the earth,  from venus though)  or vice versa (Refer Disclaimer). This post doesn't cover Archana, Farah or Bieber for obvious reasons.


So let's start, how to identify a female tweep.

Display Profile: It’s a no-brainer, one with pretty DPs are usually women. Some time you’ll see only half face with pretty eyes, only eyes, side pose , ever smiling face, and also some frequently changing DPs. Please ensure you don't stare for long, in past many men are caught viewing womens' DP on full-screen mode.
Twitter Handle: Handles are bit confusing, say @adi may be Aditya, Aditi or AdIndia, so arriving at a conclusion on the basis of handle alone is not good enough. Let's say even for @jyoti and @laxmi don't assume they are women as it could be Jyotiraditya or Laxmipati Balaji. So don’t try judging by handles, if by any chance you see some explicit mention says @RitzHotChick, safely assume that it’s an Orkutiya in disguise.

Bio: Well, for female species, 140 characters are never enough to describe, still you can get some subtle hints from the Bios.

[“I am that 80s girl, literally”]  [“Part-time writer, full time mum”] [“Scorpion, Non believer, Shopaholic”]  [“ hubby’s handle is @vikaspgoel”]  [“Chatterbox , Tweet a lot, and an Arjun Rampal fan”]  [“Drama Queen”] 

Tweets: Last and the most are the tweets itself, some sample tweets you are unlikely to see from a male tweep are: 
“Son won an award today, so proud” - Dads are equally proud, but hardly tweet.
“Guy I had a crush in school is so fat now”. - Sour grapes
“Bad day, Little darling Jacky didn’t eat properly”  or simply “I love Jacky”– Though it’s sure that tweeter is a woman, but Jacky may be dog, boy friend , husband or driver.
“Off to Gym still craving for that chocolate cake” - usually tweeted by fittest of female species to create complex among other members of same species.
“Fed up with these orkutiyas, some one help please” - This is just a self-confidence building measure.
"There r ***** guys in d world" - Means nothing, but results in many mentions.
"No one wants to talk to me" - Actually a trap, guys start replying and she'll vanish or declare the guy a stalker.


Finally, stereotyping this species is almost suicidal, so it's always better to avoid generalizing and go by your own experience. 

Disclaimer:  None of the above tips are 100% fool proof, so author takes no responsibility if you err, by the way why do you want to find out if a tweep is a man or a woman on Twitter, focus on real life instead.

7 comments:

Aditya Nandode said...

Rofl!

AGBraggs said...

Good one! Btw did AC Nielsen or Gartner write to you after seeing this? :)

Anonymous said...

Too good..enjoyed every bit of it..posted it on twitter..with due courtesy mentioned to you..!!

Indian Home Maker said...

Loved the disclaimer.

Vikas P Goel said...

@aditya : thanks
@AGBraggs: Not yet, but this is how most research work is done:)
@IndianHomeMaker: Thanks

BK Chowla, said...

Very Very interesting post. It takes a lot of research work to write such a engrossing post

mashhood said...

Disclaimer is amazing....Really fun to read it....